Life For Rent

I feel comforted. I came back and the first one who msg me on MSN was mouse. He seems okay and we chat a little. I’m very glad to know he is alright. But the worst is yet to come. Told him we’ll hang out before the week is over if he wants.

Went to PS to meet Karen and Lek Dao for some chit chat. It’s nice yeh. I even bought over 100 bucks worth of stuff from body shop. Retail therapy haha! But it is time to give my face some treatment so let’s see in a month if things are improving. Ironically my skin was rather good during army. Flawless. It was after army when I studied and work and had a fucked up breakup that the skin began to deteoriate. And yes back in all those days all my face got were toilet soap and all. I hear they use the same soap to wash floors with. *shrug*

I was kinda upset cause one of my friends is mad at me and I don’t even know why. Everyone seems to be changing. He wasn’t like this at all in the past. We laugh. We joke. I even let him through my armour, and hence I got pretty upset when he refused to talk to me. I really don’t know what wrong I did. Maybe I said something but it wasn’t out of the ordinary kinda jokes we joke around with. So much so I don’t know if that was what peeved him. But I’m just sad that this is how he treats friends. I’ve never walked out on someone whom I regarded as a friend, and no one has done that to me either. Sure they may get mad at me, and I get mad at them at times but we don’t walk on one another. I am quite hurt. Rather hurt. This is how little a friendship is eh.

How fragile we are! How plastic we are!

Here’s an interesting clip on “What makes us gay” with some very interesting findings.

Take a look :

Part 1 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuAfpayjFZg

Part 2 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCqHnJXrsSc

I had a lot of fun last night. Waited 3 months for it. It was definitely worth it. I don’t think I have the ability to do up such a commanding performance yet. But I sure hope I managed to work up the crowd. At closing time it was still very crowded. My ex came too and said the mixing was darn good. So I passed the comment to ronnie. Yeh ronnie’s very particular bout flow, programming and beat mixing. That should be the way actually.

But I don’t wanna talk bout last night. The morning didn’t really begin well. I was quite sad. Very sad actually. Couldn’t really sleep well for the past few days actually, but no one noticed that I suppose. The wonders of music and alcohol..

I slept bout 8am, woke around 1pm, remembering I dreamt bout very abstract stuff. All inter-related to events that have occured but very abstract.

I decided to stay home today. I don’t wanna head out. Not to the wake, not to the bday dinner. Didi wanted to do a lil celebration for me too and I really hate to fly his kite but I guess I have to. I don’t wanna go out and spoil everyone’s mood. As for mouse, I don’t think I can handle it. If I went I tink I’ll prolly start weeping and collectively weep more than all of them combined. I wept a lil last night, but I suppose it is just the tip of the iceburg. I have yet a lot more stored..

For the first time, my mom stepped into my room in the morning and I actually agreed with what she said hahaha.. she said I should keep some discus fish. Actually I have already given up on the fishes a long time ago. Mom said I should keep discus, cuz they supposedly bring good luck. And I went hmm… maybe it is not such a bad idea after all.

Mei mei is leaving soon also. Actually since I got back, I don’t know what’s happening. Honestly everything is like a blur. Except for a few, I actually see moving spirits instead of humans. It’s like when I came back, other than my mom and all, everyone has changed. But I figure if it appears everyone has changed, maybe it is me who has changed. Everyone here, although rushing around as always, all appear to be zombies. They walk so fast, work so hard but don’t know what they are working for. When I was abroad, everyone rushes too but you can actually sense some passion, some form of life inside them. The word to use here, is zombified.

You know when it all seems like everything’s dying, and there is no purpose in life, attending wakes is a good wake up call. Here, the family grieves but is happy that the deceased is freed from pain and suffering. You look at them, and you wonder, if you choose to end your life, it is definitely not fair at all. One life, in exchange for so many else’s. Although I understand how it feels like to be at the end of the road cause I’ve been there done that, attending wakes is as much a wake up call as a trip to the prison cells for young offender wannabes.

Our lives are fragile. Relationships are fragile. Friendships are fragile.

Sting sings it best. How fragile we are. How Fragile we are!

I woke up, realising as I was watching face lift. Watching yan can cook. Typing my earlier blog entry… my friend’s mom had already gone. He posted a blog at 06.30 but I wasn’t in LJ. His sms came around 9+ though I was asleep then.

I really don’t know what to say. What to do. I do feel like atttending the wake with baisuzhen if he wants. I don’t know the family at all. But I do know my friend. So sad… so sad…

What should I do…

Gosh it’s past 7. Just finished with my software and labelling all the CDs. Was watching face lift that airs like around 6am or something. They do house make overs as a surprise and this morning, a gay couple had one half of them away on a trip. 4 days. A new kitchen, a new living room.

Wait hang on, they actually air a show that has homosexuals in them..hmm..

Ok back to the face lift. I am not too sure.. I don’t really like the eventual look. I am not sure if the surprise was a good one for the dude but I didn’t like it. But it was meant as a surprise. It is a little hard to go like “yucks what did you do to my walls?” Ya know? To throw a surprise, one has to know the other party really well. Take that as a tip. I try not to ‘act smart’ as far as possible.. I am pretty much a color person. I don’t need a huge floor space but I like high ceilings. I like colors to work with the whole concept and all.

But one thing is for sure. No one messes with my DJ console

Gonna try and get some rest. I got a BBQ later on and a big night out at the clubs with DJ ronnie and DJ jansen. One fine day the prince will make his debut too and form a trio but till then, the dance floor is cool!

Have a good weekend everyone!

I’m quite sad and worried over mousey. His mom has been released from hospital. Cause they can do nothing else for her already. She expressed her wish to die at home so that is where she is at. Her BP is quite erractic, and can drop as low as 40/20. She may not make it past tonight and I can only imagine how down mouse is. I feel for him, which is quite typical of me so I’ve been checking to see if he is okay here and there.

There were plans to put her in hospice but something screwed up. I remember this is the same as when my aunt was dying from cancer. I don’t know what happened. Can’t remember either. Don’t wanna remember. I’d like to believe that she never made it to hospice, which is probably true. Cancer paints crash very quickly. When they deteoriate, they really crash within 2 or 3 days. Most of the time it is advised that they are put on a DNR order, allowing them to go peacefully. No point extending the pain.

*sigh*

On a lighter note, mei mei gave me the belt she got for me as a present. Honestly I just got back and I haven’t looked at it yet but I know I will like it for sure. She has issues with her friends too. Don’t know what is happening. Everyone around me either has issues or are behaving weirdly. Can’t quite put my finger on what is wrong indeed but it is a period where emotions run high. And overwhelming.

My thoughts and prayers are with you mouse mouse. You’re a supermouse, but even mice have feelings and emotions, and hopefully when it is time for it to pour, that you are able to. I once said, being able to cry is one of human’s greatest gift. i still believe in that.

*double sigh*

Folks I’m doing up an expert system on food glorious food here in SG. Don’t worry what an ES is about.

What I need is some input from you guys. If there was a software that holds data of all the goodie foodies in SG, how would you like to have your input options?

Eg, sort by north south east west, all zones? Sort by day/night/after 12? Sort by desert? Chocolate/ice kachang etc?

Or would you prefer say, Ang Mo Kio and it should give you places around the area based on your preference, like chinese, western, noodles, porridge etc.

I need to know how people like to key in their preferences or what sort of options should be made available to dig out the desired data from the ES.

Appreciate it! Thanks!

A night of blog reading for me to catch up on people and all. Nothing really interesting caught my eye tonight, but I realise I missed out on a comment by Bebe.

I posted a reply on the same message where she posted it. Sorry for being late honey. Hmm. Okay let me do you a song as a form of apology kay? I’m torn between two tracks. Maybe I will do both. I’d do Gordon Lightfoot first. Stars on 54 also did a more disco version of the song, If You Could Read My Mind.

Coming up I will put up a song by Angela Ammons. Yes this house crazed dude also knows his songs but largely depends on recommendations when it is out of commercial arena.

Hope you’d like it bebe.

If You Could Read My Mind

If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
bout a ghost from a wishin well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as Im a ghost that you cant see
If I could read your mind love
What a tale your thoughts could tell
Just like a paperback novel
The kind that drugstores sell
When you reach the part where the heartaches come
The hero would be me
But heroes often fail
And you wont read that book again
Because the endings just too hard to take

Id walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script
Enter number two
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me
But for now love, lets be real
* I never thought I could act this way *
And Ive got to say that I just dont get it
I dont know where we went wrong
But the feelins gone
And I just cant get it back

If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
bout a ghost from a wishin well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
But stories always end
And if you read between the lines
Youll know that Im just tryin to understand
The feelins that you lack
I never thought I could feel this way
And Ive got to say that I just to get it
I dont know where we went wrong
But the feelins gone
And I just cant get it back

I was chatting with wilsurn. One thing led to another and I ended up looking at my old photos on my comp. Some really brought back a lot of memories. Those, I chose not to showcase here. A brief summary of my life thus far.

This is me. 1 week old.

2 years old. Notice the print on the shirt. I realise till today it is still going around. When I was in london they also had plenty of these. “My mom went to london and all I got was this dumb t shirt!”

5th Birthday.

I love my bow tie! I had some friends from primary school and church. I don’t keep in touch with them anymore though I still remember their names. From L-R, David, yao yang (my school bus kaki), xxx?, shawn in red and dansen (brother of david).

My 9th birthday was the most massive one I had to date. Tonnes of people. Magician performances and all. My mom’s beside me. So is my grandma. The lil toddler in a lady’s arms is my cousin. He is now in JC. I would estimate he is like 1.95m and probably weigh over 200 pounds rugby player.

Fast foward a lil, my 21st birthday. I had one photo of my dad presenting me the gold chain with a key that I’m wearing in the pic. Can’t find that picture though…sigh

Introducing, ditchdog. Do you remember him do you?

And this is, the prince. The prince that people see today.

Pictures are really nice. When I’m in the mood I always like to have pictures done, either of myself, or with friends. Time stamp events and all. If one day I ever lose my memory, maybe one of those pictures will be enough to bring everything back. Maybe. Just maybe.

I saw pics of me and joey. I msn her. Coincidentally she also viewed our pictures last week when she and her bf browsed through the album hah hah…

Thanks ah wilsurn from bringing it all back to me.

I’ve achieved what I wanted to achieve for my armour. Tipping the scales at 72kg flat, this is the second lightest I’ve gotten in recent times. The last time I went anywhere lower was just after BMT, at 69kg. I looked like a knight without an armour. My forearm and my arm itself were of the same size. Gawd. I’m more energised. Hyped up. Ready or anything. The problem is, what’s all that for? I have my 31 inch waist line. My 16.5 inch arm. I polished my armour for a mega mega birthday party. It’s been through explosive training sets, stripping sets, drop sets, supersets. It’s energy supply via food is monitored, though not controlled. But the armour never needed to show itself.

My next targets? To work on my ES project, and music. My mentor wants me to spin along side with him one day, saying club exposure is very important for a DJ, which is pretty true. When I’m ready… when I’m ready. I have very high expectations.

I’m still very upset with cheryl and that bunch of leeches she has. I’m upset with them, but I’m more upset with her. But it is her choice. My frens and I find it very hard to stomach though. Especially me. The spitfire. Goodness knows what I’ll do one day.

I miss you ditchdog. I wish you’re still around somewhere. That you didn’t just leave me like that. I know nothing lasts forever and that you will go one day, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon. I do hope you’ll be happier wherever you are. Take care of diesel for me kay? She’s a good dog. You know that. Be nice to her, and she’ll keep you company. Forever. You’re in a place, where forever would exist. I don’t know how forever feels like, but perhaps one day it will be my turn. Watch over me kay? *muack* I love ya ditchdog, as always. Amen.