Life For Rent

It was quite a good halloween weekend overall. Things could have been done a little better, like a better ventilation system and the commencement of the costume and mask competition a little later.

Caught 2 movies today back to back. Both of which were in japanese.

Death note features the god of death dropping his note book and it was picked up by Light, aka Kira. He began by eliminating criminals who escaped the court of law but grew more deadly and evil when a challenge from ‘L’ was dished out to him. L and Kira have very similar characteristics. Young, immature and seeks out challenges till it is solved.In the next installment of death note set out to debut in December, we’ll see the battle between L and Kira. Who will be the eventual winner? I just can’t wait for the movie to make its debut on our screens. The ingenious minds of L and Kira are put to the test where one’s an individual who has solved many unsolved crimes while the other has just become the world’s most dangerous criminal.

The sinking of japan was next. It reminds me of other disaster movies like the day after tomorrow and deep impact. Will Japan be totally eradicated? I’ll give this one a 7.5/10 for its effects and storyline though it failed to impress me with twists and events that ‘we have not seen’. Death note was adapted from an anime but the attention to detail kept me going throughout the 2 hour 10 min movie. I feel that it is a must watch even for $9.50 which puts this at a 9/10 rating, ie the best movie I have seen this year. In comparison, X3 was rated an 8.

So when you have a couple hours to spare and some money, you know what to go for!

As promised, here are some pictures for you!

My Mom and I.

The 2 coupled angels…

Unfortunately we didn’t have time for full body shots.. sigh

With Karen and Ian

Check out my baby’s abs! *drool*

Just had a long talk with my mom and stepdad and all. Bout many many issues. Homosexuality. Family, and finance. It was supposed to be the last two on the agenda but I guess the former can’t be avoided eh.

The good thing is I have long planned the path ahead for us. Save, for my dear’s school and then a place. I have always known they are not supportive of moving out unless I am married. So I shot them back, if I am married do I get to go? And it went.. well.. the family thing came in. As in we should live together be together blah blah. People who know me know that it doesn’t take presence to make my heart grow fonder. Does being away means I have abandoned my family?!

And since a long time ago I have always known they kept quiet though they never agreed nor accepted this thing about me. It is only cause I am family still. People see the queen clubbing with me blah blah but people don’t know how stressed I can be. Sometimes I get very stressed cause I am stuck between two walls and the only solution is to bang one down with my own head. I can ignore what they say and still move out with my dear. But the fact is it does take a lot of money and is not financially friendly. I would rather save up for our own place. One to call my own. But I do understand my dear doesnt’ feel comfortable around. Quite frankly, even I don’t really feel so which is why I don’t really wanna be home if I can help it. But I don’t wanna stay here and let him move out on his own. I wanna be with him wherever he goes. But ‘people’ will never understad.

To ‘people’ it is an infleunce. Today I heard the most ridiculous thing. I wanted to laugh but found no joy in it anyway. I quote “The bible said something like this will happen. Homosexuality will rise and procreation cease to exist one day. And it is because people began breaking rules. It is said that a man is always in charge and a woman must submit to him.”

This came after I said homos are more vocal these days that’s all. They fight for their right to be around just like how women fight for gender equality.

He went on “Exactly. That is what is happening. People are breaking all the rules and the balance is upset.”

You know what. I’m upset. I thought after a good chat I would feel better. But no. It confimed my opinion on their stand which I’ve always been right at. I just wanna ask, how close can one be when you cannot accept a person for who he or she is. What do you mean by it is not normal? How many times do I have to say “How do you define normal?”.

Honestly it is very draining. I have never been truly happy primarily because of this. That the people who mean the most don’t accept. Never mind they don’t understand. I don’t expect them to. Since I was young I never expected anyone to accept, which sorta got me to the person I am today. Protective of myself and those who are deserving. I’ll never allow anyone to fuck with me physically or mentally and I have built armour in these two areas to a level that I am satisfied with. I am self opiniated where I don’t really give a damn what people think. I didn’t even wanna go into details about it all during the conversation cause I can see how closed they are to it, as closed as I am with them convincing me with what the bible said. There were many a times when I wanted to renounce my religion because of it. And then I thought for a while and I realise no it is not the religion. It is the people. To them I am the evil and the sin. To me, they are the sin. The ones who ask you to go to their church and say you’ll burn in hell if you don’t.

Perhaps no one is right or wrong. I should have been one of them. They are all like that. They are like the saints and the cure while I am the disease they are trying to cure or destroy.

In my head I’m thinking, I am human just like all of them. He likes bikes I like cars. He likes beer I like wine. We are all different. But it is ‘normal’ for a BGR but not for anything else. Does having different preferences make me abnormal? And I stress the word ‘different’.

Things are on a thin thread. I know they probably won’t give any trouble. And I have already stated my case and what is in my mind. I stated the reasons why I wanted out on my own and all. We’ll see what the future brings.

I really thought and hoped I could hear what I wanted to hear and what really meant to me. It is never about money. I can live with the bare minimum if I wanted to. I gave my mom point blank literally, that she has a choice not mine. I didn’t choose to be gay (they kept using the word ‘choose’ and it is my choice that I chose this path) and I’m like…. hello.. choice? Oh never mind…

But yeh… she can choose to gain another son, or she can lose one. The choice is really hers, and theirs..

Sometimes I really wish they would go overseas for good or something. I won’t mind if they spend like 4/5 of the time overseas even. They have always been kept outside my circle cause I know, they can’t handle my stuff. I have always knew… See. Told ya my gut never fails me..

I’m tired… but I can’t sleep. My poor baby fell asleep on the chair while waiting for me to come back to my room. Sigh. It pains me to see him so tired out. My stepdad did suggest although not directly, what a lot of ‘gays’ want. In short, it’s something like a leech. That one sorta sealed the fate, that I realise this is a topic I will never wanna talk to them agan about it.

One big fact remains and it will never change. No one will ever bully my dear. I’ll protect with my life if I have to and I’m serious. You’ll have to kill me first if you wanna do anything to hurt my baby. Nothing mortal is going to stop me. I’m not sure even if anything immortal can do it either. I love my baby a whole lot and there is not a single thing around that can do anything about that.

If I could have a wish, what would I wish for? I don’t really know. My mind’s all messed up. I know I just wanna be happy. But this is not the place to be..

There will be a lot more people who will be going through what I go through. As far as I know and have seen, Michael’s mom (in QAF) remains as a ficticious character that I don’t see existing anywhere at all. I think I know at least one mom who’s alright with her son bout it and all, but I don’t see anyone who is actually proud that the son is gay.

The irony of it all. Gay. A double meaning. Homosexual and happy.

Somehow I don’t feel those two words belong together. Maybe people should just stop using the word gay and just rename it to ahkua or something once and for all. The way I see things, ah kua, whore, mental.. all have the same meaning.

I just love my baby a lot. I really hope he’ll always love me too. He’s probably the only reason that’s keeping me sane and holding my evil side back. Full of resentment I am. It doesn’t take a lot to turn the whole lot into pure evil. Why bother accepting people when they don’t accept you? I can safely say, 1 or 10 years from now nothing would have changed in this area. One shouldn’t be too hopeful. The more one hopes the more disappointment. As you can see.

It was all but a dream…

Phew.. thank goodness for the bit of sun today. I needed a tan real bad. Why? Sat is the big day! haha

My baby has begun work since Wed. He works at a Guess store somewhere and as for me I have been busy preparing CDs for the store. Music director eh? So if you know my kinda music and you walk into a store and you hear that same music, that is probably the one he is at haha.

He is working full shift on Sat which means we are gonna be a tad late going into the clubs on halloween weekend *sigh*. Nonetheless I am all set and ready for it. Are you???

I begin work next Wed.. at Raffles Place.. lunch anyone?

Trying to get all my stuff done before work commences so it will be easier when both of us are working full speed ahead. I have also opened a Stan chart account (esavers account) which does give very good interest rates for savings. Yeh we have to start saving. It is never too early yeh? After we hit a targetted amount I will prolly move over to May Bank for the highest interest rates ever. You may wanna check them all out if you intend to put aside some $$ for savings. No bond, no min cap. No mess.

Progress for mylot, we’re expecting another payout for both our accounts coming soon so for those who are still working on it, get at least 10 bucks in your account before the month is over in order to cash in on it on Nov 15 next month ! Else you gotta wait another month and gawd knows what happens then.

Gonna be a busy day tomorrow. A long day as well for my baby. He has work and then a show at night. And then sat it is a full shift AND then halloween night. I think he is gonna be tired out…

No more late nights for us! It is time to move on…

My poor baby is down with food poisoning. And it is his first day at work later! He’s feeling kinda weak and I popped him 2 ultracarbons for the tummy and he is zzzzz away now haha.. hope he will be fine when he wakes up.

He was gone for just one day and I couldn’t sleep last night. I dozed off at 8am plus only and was mopping around all day. Gosh! Everything seemed so different. Even gym seems so void and empty without him although it was bursting with people. I’m so used to him. And I don’t wanna let that, or him go…

PS : mei mei that shirt is like one in a million but i will try to keep that thought bout striped polos. Meantime i have been going around in my tank tops cuz it is so warm and I’m out the whole day so I don’t wanna be sticky. We bought 2 black t shirts from topman for his work (black tee requirement) and i got a black tank top. Kinda like it. hehe…

Things went very well to how I have planned it to be. My baby’s new life begins on wed. Mine begins next wed. But…

Our lifes begins, today.

He is away from home. Away from my home cause tomorrow it is hari raya and it is right that he is with his mom back home and all. I do miss him but it is fine. At least we parted happily which really meant a lot to me cause things just fell in to place work wise and everything is planned and deep within us we know whatever happens we will take them on there and then. We are both planners, with expertise in different areas. And together, I think we are good as a whole! I have waited so long for this. I must say he probably feels the same way too. All these years. All the tears and laughter built over the years. The same tears and laughter that built us, for who we are today. For him for me and for me for him. Timing and all. We have gone through rough patches but he always knows what to do with me which is something very few know. The difference I feel is, cause he reacts with his heart. He reacts for us. I remember the times when I was stressed with crap and he was not feeling very secure bout both of us and we argued a lot online. Words online is like the worst way to go into serious stuff in a relationship… yes I do agree with him. Some things are meant to be said and discussed in person.

When I look at him, all the angst is gone cause I see the person I love and it tames me down a lot. I cannot thank my guardian angel enough for bringing him to my life. That goes for my closest people, colin, rachie rach, sandra (whom I just spoke to on the phone and was going through a very rough patch).. everyone of them are close to my heart. I don’t see them often. I don’t hear from them often but they always remain close in my heart. I began to recognise what friend material is and what it isn’t. It wasn’t bout the time spent together. Not too long ago I spoke of a friend of mine whom was very close to me but felt that it wasn’t reciprocated. And how hurt I was bout it and all. I looked at it again and realise, perhaps we were never meant to be good friends to begin with. We were different in areas that meant a lot to me. The chemistry wasn’t really there either. Perhaps I looked up to him more than what I thought it was all bout back then. And I realise, the friends who are close to me are always in my heart, wherever they are. Whatever they do. I only need to hear from them here and there to know they are fine and that is good enough for me. We are all such busy people in our own way. Work. Family. Friends. Partner. Things years ago are different from how things are today. Years ago, colin and I spent a lot of time together. From dinners to driving around singapore going hotel hunting and lounging at bars and all. Me, him and sometimes Kristi. Today he is a pilot to be, training pilots to be, just got engaged, very busy at work and with the fiancee. As for me? I’m with my love too, busy with school and work. Things change over time. We all move on with our lives as we need. But I don’t feel neglected. I understand how things work and am happy with it.

One thing I’d say. A lot of things change over time. A friendship that is meant to be, will stay the same, if not grow stronger over time. Years from now at colin’s wedding and all, I’d wanna think back the days when I first knew him during the O level period back then and how we have grown over the years. I will be happy for him and I know he will be happy for me too.

The one thing he said a couple years back just confirmed that I never made a mistake in calling him my bestie. It was a time when he asked me online if I’m gay. All he knew then was I had ex gfs and all and I never really talked bout what happend thereafter cause I knew he has had bad experience with homosexuals and wasn’t very into it all and I couldn’t blame him cause I would be turned off if what happened, happened on me too. Besides he is very religious so I was extra careful. I didn’t wanna ruin a friendship. Even though he was my bestie I felt it wasn’t time yet.

But he came to ask me about it. And I told him. And he asked me, why didn’t I tell him earlier. And I told him my fears about it all. His one reply just everything right. I told him I felt he may not be receptive of the way I am and all considering how he looked upon homosexuality. He said “But you are different. You are my best friend what.”

And that, is a true friend. One who accepts the other for what he is, despite what is deemed acceptable or unacceptable on average. People ask, what is perfection to me. Do I look for a perfect partner? And I have always given the same answer, that there is no one perfect person. How do you gauge perfection, if there are no flaws? How do you define perfection without any form of comparison to a flaw? If there are no flaws, then perfection holds no meaning. It means nothing.

Is my baby perfect? Yes and No. If I said Yes, it means nothing cause perfection on its own without comparison to imperfection equates to nothing. If I said No, it may suggest that I’m using the theory of no one is perfect for the sake of using it. I say yes and no, because I see the perfection within the imperfect person that we all are. That’s my baby. That’s my cloest friends.

We ride on one another. We shine each other to the best they can ever will be.

For now, I just want my baby to shine and feel good bout himself and us. I have actually looked up to him a lot and that I can actually learn quite a few things from him, although I am older than he is. So what if I am older? He has gone through a lot of things I haven’t. It made him what he is today and I respect him a lot for it. Yes I do respect my baby a lot. And I am not going to allow anyone to disrespect him. Pretty much the same way a friend of mine Sandra is. She and I are alike in this area. We will not sit down and let people make a fool and disrespect our partners. Not implying my baby is a push over cause I don’t think he is, but I aint no push over. I am just nastier than he is. I will snarl to warn, bite to threaten and attack to kill, to defend my territory!

Just chatting with sandra made me realise how protective I can be too just like her. I will NOT tolerate anyone disrespecting my baby. And those around me already know that. For those who don’t, hopefully they will know before they find it out the hard way.

But I am in a good mood and when I am usually I’m not so nasty. And why woiuldn’t I be in a good mood?

My baby’s life begins on Wed.
Mine begins next Wed.
Ours begins Today.

A little rain, some reprive from the weather and haze perhaps. At least temporarily.

Watched matrix on the tele earlier. I don’t think I can ever grasp the story behind it all. Any help?

Decided to share Christina’s Hurt here. As always if you do not wish to have the song running ,scroll down to the bottom and stop the player. The song has been playing in the clubs for like more than a month now. It was only recently that we began throwing out the remixes. A pretty good remix I have to say.

Watched the MTV as well. It is about how her father had taught her the skills to perform and when she was out there getting all the fame, she neglected her father. One fine day he is no longer around… and the song goes..

Christina Aguilera – Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I knew today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you’ve done
Forgive all your mistakes
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won’t be there

I’m sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself by hurting you

Somedays I feel broke inside but I won’t admit
Sometimes I just want to hide ’cause it’s you I miss
And it’s so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you lookin’ down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I’m sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself

If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I’ve missed you since you’ve been away

Oh, it’s dangerous
It’s so out of line to try to turn back time

I’m sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself

By hurting you

I think a couple of my discussion threads in mylot has had pretty good replies from people.

Love without sex. Is it possible? : http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/73050.aspx

Homosexual relationships. Can they last ? :
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/80861.aspx

I thought some had really interesting views. Wanna participate? Sign up!

URL : http://www.mylot.com/?ref=charlesming

Cloudy day today.. yawn. Back to training today thought. 1 more week to go and it will focus on tightening everything up.

Happy deepavali and selamat hari raya to all those celebrating!

And the prince made it back to the club last night! My baby performed and his role was a prince. I gotta say, I have seen how they rehearsed and looking at their performance, it was one of the best, if not the best I have seen from Flauntelicious. I am so proud of all of them. Jaye, Noris, Niqi, Kak nina and everyone. I felt it was quite well executed and everyone did their role very well. Good job guys!

It was really tiring. As I mentioned, first thing in the morning it was in camp for the IC all the way to me back home, rushed the CDs out and then rushing down to the club. Had a few bites with my dear cause he had to eat some dinner, while I was a little hungry I had absolutely no strength to eat. I was that tired. But I was quite in a good mood and when i am in one, no sort of fatigue will stop me from partying! Ok so we drank a little more than we should but it was fun partying away with mom and everyone else! We had so much to drink that we forgot all about pictures! I only got one or two from Jansen cause it was Joel (one of the staff’s birthday) so I am gonna just put up one or two out.

Thanks Ben, Zane and Chole for attending. And to everyone who was there, it was fun!! I shall return in a week, for halloween! Watch out people!

We got up at 4pm today. Yes that is how tired we were. Headed down to town to look for shoes and I was in my little outfit to see if the shoes match. Wasn’t bad at all so we are all done for halloween now. My baby is just doing up some final touches to our costume now so it is going to be AWESOME!

Trying to convince ben to come along. We saw the scream mask with blood that can be pumped up for only 12 bucks. I think it is reasonable yeh? What say you ben?

Anyway we still have loads to do. I shall write again soon I promise. Loads to do. Hopefully he and I can begin work on the same day. I am slated to begin from Nov 1st so for those whom I owe some meeting up, please book a slot soon!

You know what. Just come join us on halloween. Meet up and have fun. It will be great I am sure!

As promised here are some fotos :

Ben!

Jansen! Thanks for the photos!

And here’s joel the birthday dude. I can’t believe his age. He looks good! Oh yeh he is 23. If you believe so..

Geez what a busy day!

My baby just ORD today. We went over to his camp to get things done and it is done! Yay! And then it was lunch at Pete’s place, meeting up with friends and then sending him off for an interview. As y ou can see I don’t like to push what we can do today till tomorrow. Doesn’t give one peace of mind cause things hang in the balance. It looks good so I reckon he will get it!

And then it was shopping (I’m not telling what we shopped for!) before Raj, the DJ for tonight called me for help so here I am, rushed back home to settle his stuff for him while my baby had to proceed for rehearsals without me this time round. He has a little performancel ater and the Queen of clubs will be in attendence so I hope it will be good! It feels like a party night so we shall see where we go. We are still on a strict physical training program all the way till Halloween so I’m watching my alcohol intake.

So much to do today. Wow. Can’t get a tan cause of the darn weather. I’m quite tired out by now even as I type!

It is gonna be massive next Sat. Where will you be?

Finally reaching the US$0 mark for the forum but have to wait till next payout next month. Should be over 60 by then and combined with my dear’s account we should have about SGD 200 in Nov! Not too bad at all. Looking forward to it.

Also looking forward to the Dim Sum dollies musical in a couple weeks (free!) and halloween soon! My dear and I have gotten our outfit. I LOVE IT! If you wanna see it you will have to join all of us! Whee wheet! Now… where will YOU be on halloween, come 28th Oct?

And my mei mei will return on nov 20th. Can’t waiit!

Got my job offer as a security engineer. Just pending my acceptance and signature. Have told them I wanna start only early Nov and they are pretty cool bout it.

Things are looking better indeed for me. I wanna wait till my dear dear has his job and begin working before I start mine too.

Ok time to get back to posting in the forums. See ya all!