Life For Rent

Was chatting with my colleague.. you know, just a casual chat and catching up and stuff.. (hey it is a friday! and fridays we are usually very ‘busy’..). Checking on how he is doing with his gf and all. It all began with him losing his cup somehow. yada yada and he said heck, the cup is the least of his worries. And I went, so what worries do you have? He said, men always have the same 2 worries. Money, and his mojo (sex drive). And yeh the discussion went from there to religion choices and how annoying match makers are.

Match makers don’t really work these days do they, but they still seem to be everywhere. In the past I reckon it worked very well. As long as I don’t detest the other party, and that’s mutual, we are good to go. People looked for companionship rather than love. Today it seems things have evolved. We only want to marry someone we love. Yet love comes with a price. A price list of expectations, and a baggage of emotions. You’ve seen grandpas and grandmas who are together to the day they die. They may not be the model couple, but they have been together for like 40 or 50 years. Do we see these often these days? Referring to my earlier sentence, is the price of love, too hefty a price to pay? Is love conditional, or unconditional? Ever so often we hear the words “love is unconditional”. I think it is very true in its essence, yet a load of bullshit in others. For the person who love, we’ll do anything. Right? Yet, we carry expectations. We hope the person will love us back. So is it conditional or unconditional? It can only be defined by the individual. Unconditional love could be to donate a kidney, or a liver to your partner if he or she needs. Or, unconditional love could be, just to see the person happy, even if he/she is not with you. Just seeing the person happy with someone else, is good enough.

I know I am someone whom my partner has to keep up with me. I could be outdoorsy during certain times, yet a nester at others. I could stay home and watch CSI for weeks in a row. The very next ‘season’ I wanna go sky diving or wake boarding maybe. My appetite also has it’s ups and downs. My physique also has peak and off peak seasons. I change, yet I like routines. Can be quite tough. However, while one’s opinion on love and relationships do change over time as one gets older, the fundamentals do not. End of the day, everyone wants to adore and be adored. The process/journey of reaching that will change as we get older. From the teenage puppy love, to making a relationship last a lifetime. It is one heck of a long and endless journey. Puppy love, while sweet (and painful too) is but the beginning. If you have gone past that, congratulations, you are on your way to ‘enlightenment’. How do you know which stage are you? Ask yourself this question. “What is love?”. Write down your answers. Keep a history of say, more than 10 years. You’ll find that you grow over time. It is not about big words, or ‘colourful’ phrases and expressions. As a matter of fact, in my opinion, the simpler your definition, the closer you are to experiencing true love.

Some observations of late..

I notice these days loads of guys wear ear studs only on the left ear. I asked some of them. Common answers are “wear both sides too girly, wear on right.. xxx..”. I got what they mean. I probably share their view too. In the past when I first put on my rings/studs, the in thing seems to be either rings, or something that looked like a golf tee through their ear. When I was in poly, I had 2 rings and a stud at any one time. All on the left ear. The stigma with wearing on the right is too much to bear eh?

My dear got us a pair of rings for our anniversary! I love the silver and a tiny stud within. It has engravings on the insides too! Awwww.. so sweet. What did I get in return? Ahhhh…. let’s see if he will talk about it.. Today we’re heading for a dinner that is gonna cost me a 3 figure sum per pax. But I guess a good experience is otherwise priceless. It is nice… imagine if you’re rich and famous, such things come naturally to you, it is no longer special. It becomes the norm. What is then special? Imagine Christina eating at newton hawker centre. Or Maxwell food centre. Now that will be an experience for her. Whether she’ll like it or not, that is the question.

Speaking about rings, I’ve slipped my ring on my right 4th finger. Usually, the Chinese have this saying “Men left, women right” with reference to wedding rings. The men will wear it on his left hand while the lady on her right. I like it on my right.. don’t know why. Should AJs do the same thing too? Sorta like an ‘internal’ thing? If I wear it on my left, people will think I am married. Well I am, probably *chuckles* but not in the way they think. Married, with a twist. No wait, not married yet I guess. Maybe soon one day… hmmm… but working towards that!

By the way, is there a mandarin play or musical on-going that’s supported by Old Chang Kee? The TV in our office elevators always has this part where a bunch of people are lying on the grass and they sing this song over and over it is becoming like an ear worm. I think it is supposed to be open Aug 18, or is it 24th? hmmm… can’t remember the name of it too. “Life is … ” something like that. Oh well as you would know me, I retain things better through my ears than my eyes. Yes, I am an ‘ear’ man.

Speaking of my office… within the building we have this mitsubishi bank of tokyo (I think). I was waiting at the lobby at 9.03 this morning and you have a whole bunch of people running, amazing race style. While other companies and banks like us just stand around and wait, it appears these employees cannot afford to be late. The need to clock in on time. It is a daily occurance. Here, we have people coming in at 9.30. Sometimes I come in at 9.20 too *grin* but I work through lunch so that is fair!

What does that tell you about the culture of banks from different countries? Ahhhhh…

I went to suntec today for a meeting and I walked past the convention centre where the laksa/won ton mee/prata stall used to be. Gawd, now it is food republic and it looks so different! It looks like a library of sorts. Goodness me.. doesn’t get me going but where is my laksa stall now?! I love the prawns!

Walking through the basement (fountain terrace) also seems so different. Not that I go to suntec usually as it is out of my way but how fast things do change!

I am in a pretty good mood today. No real reason also. Why eh? Don’t know..Just in a good mood which is queer cause in terms of sleep, last night’s sleep was just as f*cked up as most other days. On my way up to my office floor, the TV in the lift was showing Aaron Kwok’s dance concert here in SG. Now I am no Aaron Kwok fan but the last line of the ad tickled me. It said “As usual, he dances better than he sings.” Is Aaron a singer or dancer? I’ve always thought he’s a singer. Hmmm… that tickles me yeh. My colleague who passed his driving got this voucher to enjoy $500 off Hyundai komoco’s price from his test centre. Anyone wants? Else I will throw.

You all ah.. so troublesome. Ok I disabled compulsory registration. So you should all be able to comment, but first time comment posting requires moderation. (I think). Let me monitor and see how it goes. The whole purpose is to avoid spam, which is so prevalant in blogs. Spam is one thing. Someone may input a bad url which may be malicious and result in compromising the computers of visitors. Yes it is possible and you ought to thank me for being so nice to you and your comp!

Families.. how important are they in our lives? Family, friends, partner. What has happened over the years is, family ties tend to be neglected. The focus on friends has risen sharply, yet we always have this nagging thought. In times of trouble, family is the only one you can really trust. Many would disagree now, especially AJs and PLUs. Will they really stand by us? Do they even understand us as we are?

Some used to say, AJs are people from troubled family backgrounds. While I do not deny many of us are not that attached, I do not believe this is specific to a particular group. You have kids running away from homes, turning to drugs, prostitution and what not. On homosexuality, there are many arguments that support (and perhaps against) the fact that it is not a cultivated ‘habit’ or ‘lifestyle’. How many of you remember as a little boy, you always felt something was wrong, you seemed to fancy the ‘wrong’ gender. I remember I used to watch carebears and He-man. Was never into strawberry shortcake and stuff but yeh, the signs are there. Deny, or accept? Argue for, or against? I can never get too close to my mom or step dad, or anyone else although I very much like to, because I know there is something that we can never agree on. Irreconcilable differences maybe. It may be a very good reason for breakups in couples, but in family? Perhaps it might be a good idea that people lead lives on their own, to avoid straining relationships any further. Actually I feel most of us always look at things and events around and go ‘why aint my parents like that’ or ‘why can’t i do the same things as xxx couple’. The thing is, you can never see both sides of the coin at the same time.

I was watching this late documentary last night on cancer patients. And how seemingly close this family is. The bond between the daughter and the mother. I do not know in reality how it is like, but the way the mother describes everything so emotionally, it seems quite true there is a strong bond. Who does not want to hang out with their moms like their best friend? Most of us will go, ewww! But that is only because, we have never considered them anything more than a ‘role by default’. You did not choose who you want their mom to be, did you? I know of at least one AJ who is really close to the mom. Never heard bout the dad but I didn’t query. In any case I don’t speak to him anymore. I am envious of people who are very close to at least 1 of their parents.

I don’t know if any potential parent to be is reading this but if there are, my advice is, accept your kid for who they are. Do not say mean and ‘dumb’ things, because kids will remember. What sealed the deal for me? I know my cousin is AJ too. He seemed open about it, so I brought it out. The comment came back as “yeah he also came from a screwed up family that’s why”. I left it as such. Strangely they could talk about that, yet didn’t do anything about it. Maybe they did try, but it is too late. I don’t really bother anyway. I always said, they can think whatever they want, and I am not going to lecture or explain anything. I am beyond that. Just let me live my own life. You know what my mom said? She said I need a woman to take care of me. A reason why she thinks I should not live on my own. A woman who can cook and clean and take care of me. OH COME ON. Are all women maids. And seriously I wanted to tell her, have a woman like her in my life. No thank you.

Another thing to note for parents. It is easy to tell your kid not to talk to strangers they meet, or walk down dark alleys or roam around in the middle of the night. But online, it is harder to differentiate where the dark alleys are, and who strangers really are. And I say that, from an information security perspective.

There comes a time where opinions differ. I can never comprehend how grown ups live with their parents. Are they mommy’s boy? Because I can so see a time when an earthquake of magnitude 10 on the ritcher scale will errupt in my scenario. It is not a question of will it happen, but when. And of course, the best option is to get out before it happens.

It is sad when one is deteched from a family. Especially over stupid reasons. How many of you feel like you are not the favorite child, and you are always picked on, and compared to others who seem better. It makes you feel useless. So much so you wish you could yell “If I am so useless to you, why did you even give birth to me in the first place??????”. Family ties. What are family ties. If you are someone who has an awesome relationship with your family, please share. I believe many would be interested in hearing bout it. I know I would.

The bourses have been doing quite well over the past few days, but I don’t believe this is the end to all the volatility yet. While subprime credit concerns have eased somewhat, have we seen the big picture yet? Suffice to say, many of the companies have gone out of business, while those who remain have seen their stock price plunge by 50% on average. But have we been paying too much attention to them? Wall street will be looking forward to numbers on employment, among other figures that give a broader view of the economy. If these numbers turn red, we could very well be going into recession. Indeed, some analysts are not implying we are heading for one, but the risks have risen sharply of a possible recession, since Sept 9/11. Now, this is quite big.

I will be looking to sell into strength, and consolidate more bullets in case the stock market crashes into a recession. Buying low is always a thrill.

Why do I say we may not have seen the big picture yet? Because, the focus has been on the morgage credit companies in the sub prime market. We have seen them busted. BUT… we haven’t analysed the people who took the loan yet. How many people are affected out there? Quite a lot perhaps. People cannot pay their loans, hence the credit crunch. Companies now tighten requirements. How many cannot take loans now? Vicious cycle.. and if the numbers are big enough, it could snowball. It may take time to show itself, maybe half a year, but generally, out of the woods we are not. It is not the time to be greedy.. for what we have seen, may just be the beginning of the end.

CSI Sunday it was, on dvd. I finished my second mixshow set and was uploading the files onto my ftp server (anyone wants the file let me know) which took quite a long while. But we had 6 hours of CSI to keep us busy too. What is the CSI factor? I remembered I used to enjoy watching X files, but there is seldom any closure to an episode. Things are left open and it is up for the viewer to conclude the story to his or her liking. CSI on the other hand, has a closure to every event. There is something bout the Las Vegas Crime lab team, headed by Grissom. A veteran in the business of forensics, he always has that one or two catchy lines, or that contraversial thought. One of the last episodes we watched was on transsexuals where an unlicensed doctor performed sex change surgeries illegally, because the patient was rejected of one by a top-notch doctor. Trannies, are in simple terms, girl brain in a guy’s body. While the episode explores the stuff these people go through (certain episodes explore the ‘unknown’ fetish or sexuality while investigating a crime), it is hard for most people, even for myself, to comprehend what goes through a tranny’s mind. Misinformed, misunderstood, misinterpreted.. these are probably just some of the words that they know so well. Towards the end of the show, Grissom explores this thought. There is at least 1 species of oysters, that can change its gender, anytime it wishes to do so. What if, this was supposed to be the way? And that the X and Y chromos that determine our gender while still in a foetal stage, is but a mutation?

And then of course there was an episode where people gather in animal coats. You know, like those mickey mouse and donald duck characters you see at disneyland. In this place, people gather in different outsides, and pile on top of one another. Groping, hugging, rubbing, everything. Perhaps when you can hide behind a costume, everyone’s equal. No one is ugly or beautiful. Everyone’s an animal, and they do what animals do best perhaps haha.. But can you imagine, a pile of people in animal coats rubbing against each other. Gee that is something you don’t know in the flesh. The crime? Guy drives home, still in his fur coat. Stops by the road for some reason. Gets spotted by a farmer who think it is a racoon, who shot to kill. Poor thing..

And how about another episode, where a small community gathers for a house party every month. It is really a ‘swinging’ party. 10 guys. 26 condoms. Yes, a sex party. You can have sex with another person’s husband/wife/partner whatever. Just purely sex and it seems to work for them as long as they abide by some of the rules. No photos, no affairs, never tell the children.. well the other rules I can’t remember. Interestingly, I have read and known people whose marriages/relationship was saved, by ‘swinging’ around. What do you all think about this? I think perhaps for many, it allows one’s promiscuous nature to be fulfilled. Failure to do so, could be similar to a caged bird, waiting to break free, and adds stress to the relationship. Earlier I said, to cheat, or to tell. There are only 2 options. Monogamy, is not a third option. But all these are thoughts based on research and observation. Better declare it first, lest some people think this is a call from me to promote activities. If you know me well, I do not encourage or discourage anything. Well, most things.

Have I seen an episode on homosexuality yet? Hmm…

I came across a Q&A forum, where people ask questions in random and the person who replies has to answer it, and ask another question in return. This goes on and on. It can be quite fun actually, until someone has to kill the thread. But I got this very common yet interesting question:

Q: When you’re dating someone, how important are these general attributes to you and in what order?
- Intelligence
- Personality (like how well his personality clicks with yours)
- Character (how “kind-hearted” he is etc)

Some did reply, ranking them in order of their preference. I looked at it and the first thing I thought was, hey, isn’t chemistry more important? I like look at it this way, without chemistry, you could be Einstein and the smartest in the world, everyone’s best friend, and Mr Sharity elephant himself, all 3 attributes into 1, yet it STILL won’t work. Isn’t it? I never doubted the magic of love. The use of the word ‘chemistry’ is quite a misfit, since love can be so random with it’s own rules. Rules no one can control. Conversely, chemistry is quite predictable. You have 1 carbon atom, and 2 oxygen atom and you get carbon dioxide. And you will always get that equation. Sure maybe it has to fulfill certain conditions, but what if I told you, the same carbon and oxygen can turn out to be carbon dioxide today, yet tomorrow it becomes nitrogen oxide? In chemistry, impossible. But in love, why not?

Have you seen 2 good looking people as a couple? Pretty common, pretty looking, and you go awwww what a match made in heaven. Then you see one good looking individual with someone ‘not so good looking’. You know what you’ll say. How bout 2 completely ‘cannot make it’ individuals as couples? Yeh you’ll say, OMGWODETIAN look what the cat brought in.. but you’ll get a sweet after-taste. Who can deny seeing a couple together is sweet? (Ok maybe I know just 1 person who has a CB mouth but I am sure he is just kidding, cause he asked me if I am going to play and I said yeh, Sept 15 only, and he said the smelliest thing… geez.. AJs!)

Back to the ’2 not so pretty people’ scenario. Have you wondered,  how did it all go? I mean, even the average looking is physically attracted to good looking people. Who doesn’t? Don’t give me the bullshit that looks don’t matter yada.. hello? Are you like 12? How do you date someone who repulses you? Impossible. The least is, you do not get turned off. And perhaps, the personality of the other person shines. In my terms, chemistry perhaps, develops? Can you develop chemistry? Why not? Oh sorry, I should come up with a new word to replace ‘chemistry’. How bout mojo?

Ok so mojo can be something that says ‘if I am there then I am, else I am not”. In our terms it is ‘have is have, don’t have is don’t have. Yet mojo can also be developed. Wow. Magic.

Relationships oh relationships.. as many of my friends can testify..it is such a head(and heart) ache, yet it is novocaine to the soul. It completes you, yet it also shatters you. It makes you, and it can break you.

So should we have it, or do without it?

I wanna rant about Central, at Ngee Ann City. I have long heard of the service quality there but they have since gone down a hell lot since I last visited.

1. They don’t serve water. That is fine. I ordered the 8 treasures tea, and asked for a refill of the hot water. They replied that they do not provide water, but will give me some anyway. Hello I didn’t ask for free water you know. The tea cost $4 which is the most expensive item on the drinks menu. Am I such a free loader. But they did give it to me anyway, unwillingly.

2. I had a shock of my life. Thrice. Ben would know. Twice, when a waiter shouted orders across the store like the kopithiam style. Another time, a waitress dropped something and she screamed! Okay so I scream too but I don’t give people a shock.

Seriously if it weren’t the fact that the food court is crowded as it always is, and the whole place so smokey, we won’t be in there. Davin was hungry and he ought to eat something especially since he has gastric.

3. He ordered hor fun, and the kaya bread. The kaya bread came like 10 mins AFTER he had finished his hor fun. Seriously it takes longer to toast bread than to do hor fun? What if he ordered desert? Will it come BEFORE the horfun then?

A definite no go. Geez.