Life For Rent

Phuket. 9 days, 8 nights. 2 people. Load of rest. Loads of fun.  Lovely price. Lovely companion (for all you suckers who thought it is some scandalous week, it’s going to be a royal trip!).

It was love at first sight. My gut says yes. Everything says yes. It was set up just for me. For us.

I am very excited. It is an excellent distraction till it’s holiday time. On my return, I will be busy taking over the manning of the fort. Too busy to feel any holiday blues. Hopefully..

For the past 1 year or so, I must have bought nearly a hundred Kinders from our vending machine when it gets replenished weekly. At 50c, it is a bargain.

But none of them were for me.

Today the machine got loaded again. I bought again (before they run out) instinctively.. And then I pondered.. what and who did I get it for anyway?

So I ate it. Not bad.. quite nice. But it tastes bitter-sweet..

A taste… that still lingers in my mouth as I type…

Impact – Virus tries to capture sensitive data on the infected system. It can also download other malicious software and potentially can infect a system very badly with multiple infections.

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Koobface spreads by sending notes to friends of someone whose PC has been infected. The messages, with subject headers like, “You look just awesome in this new movie,” direct recipients to a website where they are asked to download what it claims is an update of Adobe’s Flash player.

If they download the software, users end up with an infected computer, which then takes users to contaminated sites when they try to use search engines from Google, Yahoo, MSN and Live.com, according McAfee.

McAfee warned in a blog entry on Wednesday that its researchers had discovered that Koobface was making the rounds on Facebook.

Facebook requires senders of messages within the network to be members and hides user data from people who do not have accounts, said Chris Boyd, a researcher with FaceTime Security Labs. Because of that, users tend to be far less suspicious of messages they receive in the network.

“People tend to let their guard down. They think you’ve got to log in with an account, so there is no way that worms and other viruses could infect them,” Boyd said.

I don’t know if it is a good or bad thing. That carried-over unresolved issues between the bestie and the new wife are mounting. I saw myself relating what I have learnt through my experience in relationships and it pains me to see a couple the way they are. The lady is very sweet and has been trying very hard now after marriage and it is undeniable that she is like the perfect wife now. Really. But there’s the fear of losing her husband. The constant threats. The constant invisible stress. But she is doing very well. Colin on the other hand has been scarred by a lot of events in the past. There is fatigue and unresolved resentment. The same stuff I saw before they got married and ideally I would like those to be resolved before they got married.. but…

However I do not feel all is lost. He needs time and I have faith it can be done. I found myself referencing Jay and Jayme a lot. A very cute couple wor… always bickering but they learn how to co-exist. They are both good people and I really hope that they’ll be able to carry it through till the end.

I can relate to struggles from both sides of the world. The heteros and the homos. But it doesn’t imply I am good in my own relationships. In fact, there is a reason why lousyluver is lousyluver. Why are there technical charts? It is because humans are humans.. they never change. They did not and will never will. They can improve, but it will not be a change per se. One point I raised was, seeing is not believing. Of all the 5 senses, none are accurate. Our sense of sight and hearing can easily fool and sway us. Magic is proof of our flaws in sight. Touch? Remember the primary school experiment? Dip one hand in hot water, and the other in cold water. Then put both into a basin of room temperature water. One will feel cooler, and one will feel warmer. The sense of touch is subjective. As with all our senses. Can we trust them all? I don’t.. which is one reason why I rely on my gut a lot.

It is when you lose something, do you realise the mistakes. Too little too late? I think singer Jojo sings it best. This song stuck in my head for quite a bit and it is common to hear me dish this track out in my mix shows as it’s… so me.

In my next relationship I know I will still be me, and will still probably make the same mistakes.  But at least I will take a consious effort to remedy them before it gets too late. Hopefully.

And so I have gone from looking at my own stuff, to having my attention on these two. If I could share something with them to help salvage stuff… my loss is worth it.  One of my biggest fears is ‘too little too late’.

Question is, ‘where do we go from here’? Like that Vanessa Williams song. Loads of questions. No answers. But everyone needs help. And guidance. It is not easy to live with someone. I know. But I think I have learnt on where things can be improved. Will I forget in due time though? I am only human.

I seek inspiration from very few people. Very few. For those I do, along the way, some of them would have disappointed me too. Twarted my idea of what might be the ‘secret weapon’ to a relationship.

And then I began trading. Jay  taught me.. there is no secret weapon. Not a single one. EVEN if there is (and there isn’t!), I wouldn’t know it. You wouldn’t know it. Bill Gates will own it. There is no secret… but each couple will have to find their own way through…

Guys and girls.. Communication! Talking isn’t the whole thing. From young even I said “Love trust and communication” as a requisite in a relationship. How many of us understood what it meant then. Needless to say few survived a teenage relationship.

All my exes will say the same thing.. that I can really be a man of few words when it comes to what I am thinking. I did tell colin, it takes a lot for people like me, to open up to a partner. Don’t shut her out. Cuz once u do, she will remain shut. Don’t make the same mistakes as I did. The one thing I wanted to say to him but didn’t managed to is… “She is worth the effort. You both, are worth the effort”.

There is just too much fatigue and all but all is not lost for sure. Everyone of us also deserves a second chance. I know she is working hard to earn that second chance. I believe, she is worth it. U both, are worth it. You guys just need time… and that is something I think she needs to understand. For her to understand she needs to reduce that fear… that fear that you are not with her and are doing something outside and talking to people instead of her. The fear of losing you. It makes people irrationale at times and to be frank as an outsider, I think she hasn’t been too unreasonable. Her sticking around all the time is gonna be suffocating… and will not be for the best I guess. It was the main reason why my dear left. Cuz it hit boiling point. Break down point.  U guys need the space together, and the space apart. I still believe if there’s love, it can be rekindled. It is one of the last things I believe in.. so I hope I do not get proven wrong…

I also said, even there appears to be someone better out there, it may not be entirely true. Has it occurred that it could be a test from God? A temptation? She passed it (I think). Now it is your turn. There will ALWAYS be someone better, prettier, smarter blah blah out there. But what does it matter? Is it not what is in front that loves you, that matters? In the quest to find perfection, not only will we not find it, but we will lose everything in our possession meantime. As they always say, it is not to seek the perfect partner, but to find the perfection within the inperfect partner that is with you.

We all make mistakes. Scars are formed. The scars formed on my dear.. I don’t know if it can ever heal well enough. My point is, you are not alone in this. A marriage, or 2 people being together doesn’t just work and sustain on its own. It needs effort. Love driven effort.

Life will always prick us here and there. We get scarred, but we move on. It heals in time and in time though a scar remains, it is still a fully functional part of us. Every scar is a lesson taught and a lesson learnt. If I told u how I got my scar ( cause I closed my eyes and I rode right into a drain) then you could learn not to repeat my mistakes.  However, some scars are meant to be experienced individually. I can’t tell u how I learnt how to ride a bike right? U gotta get on and learn it yourself. U gotta fall, get injured, but one day u will learn how to ride. It is something u gotta go through urself, yet something no one can ever take away from you.

Are scars part and parcel of life? Yes I think so. Does it need time to heal? Yes. Will it eventually? Yes.

U agreed you both were meant to be together. In marriage. Remember what you told me? Go back to those days u both got together. The incredible days. We tend to remember mistakes, but forget the good stuff. We are only human right. But we just need some reminders.. to be taken back to those happy days. If I could, I would wanna do with mine too. Unfortunately I no longer have the chance. But u do.

Merry Christmas all! Thanks Jayme and Jeng for Christmas eve! Can’t love u both enough! Thanks also to rach mei mei, Keong, Gerald, Amy, Ceddy and Jeff who popped over for Christmas! It was nice especially to see Amy and Jeff again after such a long time.. it is sad to see Amy in a same boat as I am *sigh*.

In Drew Carey’s style, ten thousand points for Ceddy for the line “Are u and your dad gonna be in separate rooms.. or?” haha… internal joke. Only we know who it was meant for and why.

It is obvious that there’s something missing. Something that I had with me for the past 2 Christmases. What my dear left behind is loads of memories. And also, the Christmas tree. I kept looking at it today.. felt kinda sad but I brushed it off before it overwhelms. But I can’t really brush it off enough.. can I. It is obvious, I am not over it. But perhaps, I will use the same advice I gave mei mei many years ago. To let time do its work, and not rush to get over something.

But it sorta just kills me to see the Christmas tree somewhat. Eventually.. soon enough.. it will be put away. And that’ll be 2009. A dreaded year for many. A dreaded year for people born in the year of the goat too. Loads of things will go wrong. Supposedly. I hope I don’t screw up at work.

Are things supposed to be fair. U win some u lose some. I gained better footing at work, and on the trading ground. But at what price. Perhaps. Have I got my priorities wrong? Was it wrong to work hard so that I can build a love nest together soon. But it is no longer a priority isn’t it. I feel myself going back to the old me. And the old me works hard n plays hard. I live life like it was a last. Why work so hard, and be rich, but have no means to spend it. That’s just part of the old me. There are loads more… many of which I had hope will never return.

Perhaps I worked too hard in certain areas, and neglected many other stuff. Has anyone felt like sometimes, u try to do your best, but nothing is ever good enough. U walk path A u get screwed. U take path B u also get screwed. My take? Then perhaps u were not meant to walk.

On this day, I’d like to wish all my readers a Merry Christmas and a blessid new year in advanced! May the following year (and years to come) bring hope, joy, opportunities, and love to you.

For rach and keong, hope they will be happy together for long long and for the girl to graduate and get a good job. So that she can have a beemer….

For ceddy.. to ORD (yay!), graduate too… and to become DJ Ceddy T!

For Gerald, that he’ll be able to compose, write, and release a song of his own!

For Jeff.. well.. I don’t see much he seems to need. May you get your super duper career on track!

For Keong – Well he has gotten what he wanted this year. May he get something better career wise next year. Be it a new and better one, or improved benefits and compensation!

For Amy, it is tough being you right now. I know. You’re already very skinny… please, no more maggi sauce n rice as meals.. ok? It’s really tough to move on, but move on each of us must do. Sorry for not being a good host today.. I’ll make it up soon kay? Still, it was (and still is) very good to see u again.

For Jeng and Jayme, that both will huat big time (along with me of course!) and that they’ll be able to have a little Jayme and Jeng together.  One step one step!

Thanks so much all for their pressies.. from Jay and Jayme with a nice atas anti-headache ‘cure’.. I am sure it will help me relax! Thanks Amy for the durian log cake and Gerald for the body scrub! No gift is better, than friendship which means the most. Something that Rach has been giving me all these while, along with everyone else in their own ways. And of course, Jeff for the desert wine. Yum! I hope all of  you noticed the Christmas tree… because I know the creator of it would have loved to share it with everyone, like how he has always been doing. It might be small (size don’t matter) but it is the most lovely tree I have ever seen.. at least to me. Though not around, he’s still there.. starry, bright and outstanding as he always had been. Shinning brighter than anyone of us,

It has been a pretty toned down Christmas. Nonetheless it was awesome and meant a lot to me.

As for Furby and Kirby.. I find furby waiting for me each night and he still sleeps with me. Kirby on the other hand… I can never find him. It is like, I know he’s there somewhere.. but where, I don’t know.. Are they really not meant to be together?

I’ll go look for Kirby… at least for tonight.

Good night everyone. Hope you have had a blessid time with your deserving folks!

This morning before work I turned the filter for my now defunct fishtank on. Circulate the water a little to ensure no breeding of mosquitos and all as there’s still water in there. Why? Cause there’s a fish in there still the last time I saw it. Back then I had like 30 over tetras. Only 1 remained. Months down the road today, it’s still there! I am amazed by its ability to survive and I knew it was a champion fish then. Today it is still the champ. I’m thinking.. if I am even remotely similar to that..

What happens when you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water? It jumps out. Just like what we would have done. Reflex action.  I haven’t tried it believe me, but that’s what I read anyway.

But if you immerse it in cold water and bring it to a boil very slowly, it eventually gets cooked to death. It adapts to the gradual increase in heat and it doesn’t realise it’s being cooked. Alive.

Climate change aside, loads of people think being able to adapt is a good thing and key to survival. I don’t quite agree. I reckon, adapting is good but one cannot get comfortable with it. The tendency is once we adapt to something we get comfortable. Then we get complacent and then a load of shit happens. How do we adapt without being too comfortable? I aint too sure myself. Jayme says we need to have constant changes, something to look forward to always. A cat here, a car there, a new door thereafter, stuff like that. Which means, to disallow ourselves from settling down after adapting. After adapting, we need to move and keep adapting to new stuff within the same environment.

Sounds quite deep. Even I need to think bout that for a while….

It has been a while since I last slacked at home, watching shows on TV back to back. Mediacorp 8 had this old telemovie “Lao Shi De Qing Ren” starring Chen Li Ping. It depicts this teacher who’s dream was to be with the kids and teach in her little kampong. That was threatened when the school was closed due to decreasing enrollment. Her ‘Qing Ren (lover)’ is this billionaire who wanted to build a resort on that kampong itself. One thing led to another and he wooed her successfully in the end. The story line is simple. What got me nostalgic are the scenes from a long time ago. Who remembers Yeo’s longan drink? The one in the brown packet. I used to love it! There is this Liang Teh which came in a green packet too. These days all I see is jia jia liang teh…

What got me into this whole movie is the innocence and child like feel to it. Movies and drama serials these days are so techie and complicated. What happened to all the duck chasing, mud playing, pond falling and stuff? So carefree. So inhabited. So dirty. So nice! These days hygiene is of upmost importance and many of us are ‘so clean’ that we have lost our immunity to mother nature’s essence. What we do have is soot, smog, haze, and these days, melamine.

I cherish things that I never got to try. I cherish a lost childhood. Childhood that I believe, many people in this country and around me failed to have. These days, the government pushes “Teach less learn more”. For people like me, it is “Too little too late”.

As you can see I have added a new page on the right for my upcoming release. This mixshow is bitter-sweet. Sweet cause I think I’m able to ‘retire’ on a  good note, bitter because he doesn’t think the person who inspired the mixshow will appreciate it all that much anymore. A text message to share what’s on my mind, but got a door slammed into the face somewhat as a reply. Each day when I go to bed, Furby and Kirby’s with me up close and personal. By the time I wake up, not only are they away from me, but they always land on opposite ends of the bed. A lost ring. A physical separation from my desk. Could that all be early indications? But quite frankly, what does it matter anymore right. Rach thinks Kirby should be kept away for now… Jayme reckons I should take a 1 year break from relationships. I think it is good advice…I have at least 2 people out there whom I know  cares for me and checks on me here and there. What’s stopping me?

I don’t really know. As a trader, the usual phrases are ‘stick to plan’, ‘cut loss’, ‘take profit’, ‘regroup and live to fight another day’.  I guess I will do that. I have to focus on my career. It is hard to say goodbye. Isn’t it weird for 2 people who broke up due to various reasons but supposedly still in love still hang out? What do they hang out as. As friends? They are not. As lovers? They are not. As someone who’s special to one another? What gives? Then as what? Just exes? Or all of the above? If so, I have had exes. I have memories of them. What makes this one any different? Was it never any different actually? If so, I find it hard. Very hard in fact, to believe and understand. I am typing away like how Bryant used to type (although I yada yada far longer)

I’ll back off… I don’t have a choice. Rach, the other person who knows my ins and outs can accertain the fact that if anyone is capable of turning stone cold, it will be me. I don’t know if it is a good or bad thing. But somehow, I think that’s the message I am supposed to receive.

I have a couple dreams and goals. My own little kennel is one. Staying close to people who are close to me is another. You see, I am quite a nester.

I know I will wanna reach my destination someday. I just don’t know my path there. What I know is I must walk it… with, or without anyone.

I am gonna plan a little holiday during CNY, with some help from mei mei. Recharge, rejuvinate, repair. The last time I went abroad for a while, I came back a different person. This time, although far shorter, may have a similar effect. I am not holding my breath though.

Went to The Central for lunch today to try this out. Don’t get confused cause for the opening, only the 100% rebate is given. Those coupons with 50% discountis not in use yet, and do take note of the T&C where it is limited to 1 table and 1 bill at a time. ie, use only 1 coupon per visit.

Mr Curry is this new Jap inspired concept that Waraku came up with. It is opening day today and the 100% rebate will last all weekend. We spent $80 so we have $80 in vouchers. Must be used by Jan 31st, with no min purchase. In case you are wondering..

First of all, the bad. VERY noisy. They pride themselves on being chirpy and all but let’s face it. Screaming in Japanese across the whole shop is NOT being lively. It is pure NOISE. Very irritating. The decor has lots of glass and wood and stuff which reflects noise as well. We couldn’t really eat or converse in peace. The one person who may fit in well is Rachel… whom I will bring. LOL!

And please, I am sick of hearing all the japanese sentences. Try replying to them in Japanese. They’ll give you a blank stare… dumb.

I had the Dario rice. Came baked with cheese and seafood. I must say it is not bad. The cheese baked rice from HK Cafe was too filling. This is alright. Soup was terrible however. So are the drinks. We had green tea (so diluted, we rejected it) while I had the Matcha green tea. Not my kinda thing… tasted like Magnolia fresh milk in a froth with a dash of Matcha. Maybe the japs like their milkshakes this way but not me. Another colleague ordered a mango juice but it was more like mango syrup.

The good? Service was pretty okay. When we had a complaint on the green tea, the server knew what to do. The manager was apologetic and remedied the situation. What could she have done better? The drink was diluted, it wasn’t like there was a cockroach. What she should have done instead of taking the green tea off the bill, was to leave the green tea behind, but not charge for it. Like food. Let it be on the house. Such a waste to just dump the contents in the cup away.

To round up, would I return? Maybe, depends on the time and with who. Certainly not the place to bring colleagues or business associates for a chat.

PS : Try the ice cream. I saw that it came in a pretty huge portion! I shall try it next time. Food came on a tray, all at different timings, and so did the drinks. We paid around $20 each.

Food   : ***
Service   : ****
Drinks   : *
Value for money  : **
Overall experience : ** (mostly due to the VERY noisy environment)

Advice to the folks at Mr Curry – Screaming greetings in japanese is first of all, not being lively, irritating, and most important, annoyingly loud. Minus extra points for promising to remove an item off the bill, but forgot about it and I had to send it back.

MS has done an out of cycle urgent patch release for IE. Patch your systems now.

Below is the tech information for those who understand it. For those, I will translate the impact to you in layman language.

The impact is.. if you do not patch, and you use IE and it gets exploited when you visit any webpage running the code (it can be a legit webpage such as facebook. In fact, especially facebook), the attacker will be able to run any code on your system. ie, he can do anything. Install stuff, put viruses, open a hole so next time he can go in again as long as you are online… etc.

In other words, you have just opened your gate with open arms to a robber/rapist/murderer.

The attacks are in the wild. ie, it is actively exploited.

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Short Summary

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Microsoft Internet Explorer is prone to a remote code-execution vulnerability.

Impact

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Attackers can leverage this issue to execute arbitrary code in the context of the user running the application.

Technical Description

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Microsoft Internet Explorer is a browser for the Windows operating system.

Internet Explorer is prone to a remote code-execution vulnerability caused by a design error in the handling of XML content. Attackers can exploit this issue by enticing an unsuspecting user into opening a specially crafted webpage.

Specifically, this issue arises when the browser handles an HTML element such as ‘<span>’ or ‘<div>’ that is not followed by a corresponding closing HTML element, but rather another opening element. These ‘<span>’

or ‘<div>’ elements would reference a data source such as an XML ID that would be used to bind XML data in the website to the HTML code. If the XML or other data source being referenced contains an HTML element with a ‘src’ attribute, the value of the ‘src’ attribute can be used to corrupt memory. The memory corruption occurs in the ‘TransferFromSrc()’ function of the ‘mshtml.dll’ library.

Attackers can exploit this issue to execute arbitrary code in the context of the user running the application. Successful exploits will compromise the application and possibly the underlying computer. Failed attacks will cause denial-of-service conditions.

‘Protected Mode’ in Internet Explorer 7 in Windows Vista and ‘Enhanced Security Configuration’ for Internet Explorer on Windows Server 2003 and Windows Server 2008 may limit the impact of this vulnerability.

NOTE: Symantec has received reports that this issue is being actively exploited in the wild.

Attack Scenarios

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1. An attacker crafts a malicious webpage designed to leverage this issue.

2. The attacker uses email or other means to distribute the document and entices an unsuspecting user to open it using the affected application.

3. When the document is processed, the attacker’s code runs in the context of the user running the application.

Successful exploits will compromise the application and possibly the underlying computer. Failed attacks will cause denial-of-service conditions.

Exploits

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Symantec has received reports that this issue is being actively exploited in the wild.

Exploits are publicly available. Note that these exploits have been observed to crash vulnerable versions of Internet Explorer, but Symantec has not completely verified them.

Use caution when handling these exploits. Test them only in isolated environments because they may be malicious.

Core Security Technologies has developed a working commercial exploit for its CORE IMPACT product. This exploit is not otherwise publicly available or known to be circulating in the wild.