Life For Rent

I was doing my other TA blog, listening to music on my headphones and all and “Can’t cry hard enough” came back out. It wasn’t actually the song that was popping into my head like a ear worm in Phuket, but I had it somewhere still. There were portions of the lyrics that I remember.. like “like a kid letting a kite go”. It sorta depicts what was in my mind when I took Kirby there. I actually, had half the mind to leave Kirby behind which is a lot like letting the kite go. But I knew I couldn’t. You see, I never really threw away stuff people gave me over the years.  I did, when I was forced to. But I do know that the ‘giver’ wouldn’t actually give a hoot bout whether I kept it or not.

I won’t bear to leave Kirby behind. But he belongs elsewhere now and I can’t believe it that I can still tear thinking bout it today. I thought I had progressed significantly. But I seem to fail the test. It is like a kid, trying to learn spelling for a week. Just starring at the words. A week later it is the spelling test and he finds that he doesn’t really know the spelling at all. To fail at a test is not something I am accustomed to.

But at least out of 10 words I think I got 6 right. Jayme is right. It is not the time to get into a relationship still. So many people, so many distractions. Heck I could have used every single one of them right. But what’s the point. I set my head out for a purpose this year. Maybe 2. I am focused and it is gonna be hard to sway me out of the wave. People who know me will know I look horrendously serious at work. But that is just how serious I am when it comes to things. My work is no laughing matter, and mistakes and oversights can not only cost me my career, but the global reputation of my client even. So I am serious, dead serious. But when I lift my eyes off the screens then I am back to my usual self.

I am getting quite annoyed too. People around me, asking what is happening, why is he so all over this ’sean’ or ’shaun’ or whatever fuck name it is cause everyone comes up with a different spelling. Has he even considered how I would have felt? Friends? This ‘friend’ is as bullshit to me as how my armour is bullshit to him. I can’t really understand. And you know what, I shall not. I initially was willing to help him with his finances. Cause I know he is tight.  But what appears on my statement? I don’t even wanna begin listing them down. I don’t even wanted to look, but now I have to begin to cause I think it is getting out of hand. It was supposed to be essentials and emergencies. I don’t know how xxx and xxx became part of an emergency. Unless he is intentionally trying to piss me off. I am someone who  doesn’t take words at face value. Maybe I subconciously allowed myself to be swooned by honeyed words. Jay and Jeng nag and nag and nag, that a clean break is essential for the best of both parties. Else both left hanging. I let him take my laptop so I can chat with him, so that he can do his assignments. I asked for a very small favor in return only, to design my final mixshow logo that I will do in a long. As like a partying gift. After all that set was created for him. He said no mouse, no time. But he had plenty of time during lunch to do photoshop of him and that ’sean’ or ’shaun’ to put on MSN. In fucking annoying poses even.  Friends indeed. But my patience is running out. He has been testing it for more than a month and I would have tolerated it. But since I got back from Phuket, I aint the same person anymore. I have half my mind to limit the credit on that card of his, cause it is severely disrupting my own limit and I have to keep paying up front for it and frankly I don’t even know if I get it back as more and more Play club bills appear. Besides EZLink also has an auto top up feature now is it. So there is no real reason to have the card for convenience anymore too isn’t it.

Jayme wonders why I still let him use my card. Think I will delink the starhub line as well. Rach said if it were her, using someone else’s laptop, she’ll gladly oblige to help do the logo or whatever. And I am thinking yeah that is what I would do too.

Why should I be paying for an ex’s bills. Good question. He should handle his own. Or ask that ’sean’ or ’shaun’ if he’s capable of. Don’t open expenses on him on my account. I am not that kind. Am I too irrational to be pissed? I don’t think so. In fact I did everything that people said I shouldn’t. And what do I get in return? I guess the question is, why should I? Having a soft spot for a person is another thing altogether.

I wanna share this song with all of you. Re-done by a few artiste but this is the original (I think). It is not an easy song to find and I remembered it took me a while to get it back then and I shared it with rebekah who loves the song as much as I do. This was many years ago then.  I realise I keep saying the term ‘many years ago’ these days. It is an omen. Sigh

Enjoy the song. I will promise, this will be, my last post bout Kirby. At least for a while.

Williams Brothers – Can’t Cry Hard Enough

I’m gonna live my life
Like everyday’s the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast
And now that you’re gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Can I open my eyes
And see for the first time
I’ve let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes
Up in the sky
There it goes
Beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can’t cry hard enough
No I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Can I look back in vain
And see you standing there
With all that remains
Its just an empty chair
And now that you’re gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

There it goes
Up in the sky
There it goes
Beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can’t cry hard enough
No I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

It was my first trip to Phuket and to be serious I  was quite amazed by the number of europeans there. Take the Thai locals away and all you have left is Europeans. Asians like us are like endangered species! It doesn’t seem to be the choice for Singaporeans, not in Kata at least. I suspect most of them are in Patong. We didn’t go there per se but we did pass by Patong while on our way for the Phi Phi day trip.

The top place in Kata is probably this restaurant called Lobster and Prawns where we had our reunion dinner and I must say we picked a damn good place. So good we headed back there for meals in the subsequent days! Rach has the receipt and we each estimated the damage to be in the  5-6k baht range. The bill came to just around 3.4k baht. One of the cheapest was this omgwodetian snapper fish.  That 600g fish which was steamed to perfection went under S$16. Lobster formed the bulk of our bill. It went for around S$60-70. Rach said that would have cost well over a hundred in Singapore. I don’t know the market price for lobster… I don’t eat it often. Probably not as much as Rach. Now I feel like a sua ku (mountain tortise). I guess I know how Keong feels

And here’s our reunion dinner on Sunday, 25th Jan.

We began with our favorite coconuts and beer with tom yum kung (seafood tom yum). We picked out own seafood from the display and the dude weighed our fish/lobster/tiger prawn/crab and gave us the price along the way. All I rememebered was thinking how we should cook it rather than the price. I mean hey it is reunion dinner! So we had our crab with sauce, while the fish/prawn/lobster were steamed while the squid would be BBQed.

There’s our spread! Streamed red snapper with soy sauce at 460b. Crab in curry sauce (I must say the crabs we had were horrendous. Not enough meat. I prefer those in Singapore where it is fleshier. Even the pincers seem meatless there), BBQed squid (4 of them), 2 tiger prawns that we picked, and the lobster which we picked too. Actually I think I did all the picking so rach didn’t have to get her fingers fishy.

Looks like a lot for 2 people eh? The ang mos around were quite amused by the amount, and so were the servers! Even I was amused but what they heck. We were determined to load up!

And there you go. Evidence of the finished food! One of the tiger prawns is missing cause I think I ate the whole darn thing or something. The crab wasn’t that interesting at all but we did wallop the entire fish. We had fish for the next 2 nights! Now that’s a feat, is it not?

I am back! Better than before. Darker than before. Fatter than before too maybe heh heh! It has been a good vacation, seeing me return refreshed indeed. A brand new me as well. I packed Kirby into the drawer along with my passport and remaining baht. It was something I couldn’t do but now I can. All that’s left is furby who still sleeps with me each night.

I have been mentally preparing to brace myself for the turbulent year ahead. I will also need to manage my finances better than before. More commitments under my belt as well but I guess I will manage. Hopefully. I don’t spend a lot and the amount spent on others will be cut down accordingly.

I still have my tattoo design in my head. Has anyone done a tattoo on their wrist? Describe the experience please?

Here are some photos. More to come later.

View from the lobby area. There are 11 individual pools all in all. This is really a hillside and if you bother to walk all the way up to your room if its at the top, you’ll burn more calories than you ingest for sure.

A look at the lowest pool, from our jacuzzi room. Notice the cascading waterfall and the poolside bar. Downside is that there is no real exclusive pool for the guests. It is to be shared among 3 of 4 rooms with pool access with another 3-4 above them (poolview rooms). There is however nothing to stop other people from coming into your pool.

That’s our jacuzzi room! Rach didn’t take a picture of the whole room where the bathroom is but in any case, the jacuzzi tub is located outside. Where the whole world can see literally.

Retail price S$84 a night. Rather big in size, and the bed is quite comfy! Not the best bed I have been on (I love the superking bed from Amara) but nowhere near the worst either. Internet’s free and I checked my stock prices and email as soon as I reached. Occupational hazard? But I did close my pooter soon enough! Mainly because by the time I got there my office email was so flooded I got freaked out and decided I do not wanna have anything to do with it for the duration of the holiday LOL

The very lovely tub of ours. Filled to the brim. Overflowing like I like it to (all the way downstairs!) and it is good for an after tan soak! We used pure cold water but the water warmed up real quick with us inside. It is true! The heat gets emitted out and I am thankful it worked so well!

Waiting for transport to take us to the marina where the boat to phi phi island is docked. I wish they had some cusions and all. Granted this place is but 2 months old. It looked like it was in a hurried state of completion though. Some rooms had cement only (my jacuzzi room) others had some form of layering while others appear to be marbled. Strange.

This is the other room that we changed to, at the top of the hill. Quieter, but closer to our neighbours as well. I believe there’s more pictures, shall wait for Rach to upload them.

Coming up, a video with us at the jacuzzi, pictures from phi phi island, our reunion dinner and more!

In a strange twist of fate, I got more than I bargained for. Somehow I think this is a fruitful trip and met my expectations indeed. This ‘other’ event far exceeded my expectations.

A whole day’s spa was great! There was a shopping mall opposite (Central) and I got my munchies for the office folks. At 50b a pack I think it is very cheap! It was good. Good spa experience! I am relaxed and ready for new challenges! I also passed by the playboy store and ended up buying one bedroom slippers and a pair of new slippers too. I love it. Somehow the last time I came to thailand I also ended up buying something from playboy.

I will be back to phuket again. That is for sure.

I will also miss this place. But I think I got everything I need from this trip. I don’t ask for more at all. I will return tomorrow, refreshed, changed, and ready for the battle at work and with my own personal life. It will be good. I have a good gut feel on it.

A new beginning. And yes I will return back to SG as a new Mark. Make no question bout it.

2009 will be a good year! Even though its going to suck for goats!

Just thinking to myself for a bit.. one of the big things 2008 has given me was the ability to perhaps, control my emotions more. I have said for the longest time I am very emotionally charged and all attempts to change that failed. Move 1 step forward but end up 3 backwards. But 2008 is a year where change begun. Perhaps it came with age, or perhaps it is a stock market battleground where emotion is the biggest enemy. It makes a HUGE difference if u end up losing a HELL lot of money, or making loads of it.

So I feel blessed. It is funny. I always feel so negative but over the year I have begun to look at the good things n forget the rest. Age?

I dropped someone a message yesterday while I was in the shower and soaping off all the oil after tanning. The person came back to my head. It was like the tattoo thing. It came in an instant. And I trust my gut when it knows what’s right. So I dropped him a PM. Just a CNY wish and all. I woke up this morning and got a reply to him and it was so promising. We have never spoken or met in years now. We used to hang out years ago but never got together. Turns out yesterday was his birthday. And he also said he passed by my place recently and thought of me. I wasn’t really expecting that. In fact all I thought I will get in reply is a ‘happy CNY back to u’ thingie.

I was also chatting with my BMT buddy online. He ‘knows’ bout me. And he said the same thing colin my bestie said. “I’m fine with it cause you are my buddy”. Tell me, how can I not feel blessed?

Chatting with Keong and all, sorta made me remind myself of a few things. I am said to have too many rules, where my armor thing is nonsense and all. It reaffirmed how wrong a page we began on from the start. How much the person really understands (I did not expect to be understood anyway) despite thinking he knows a lot bout how I think. And why I react in the way I do. It is not something that I can, or should explain. Or write a book that says “all about me”. Even if I could I won’t, cause that isn’t the way it is supposed  to be.

Keong mentioned true love. I asked, how do u know you have had true love, until u are about to die and u look back. I loved all my exes. Each and everyone. Did I have true love with all? Maybe. Then what about the ‘one true love’ thing? I thought bout it. For a while. And realised perhaps the one true love to me, would be someone whom I wanna  get married to. Formally or otherwise. Aint gonna happen here but that is not the point. Walk down the aisle… And I would do it with someone whom I will tear down my armor for, permanently. Maybe it remains a dream.  Yes I can be a dreamer too, but when I wake up and get back to work, there is no time nor space for dreams.

I did say, perhaps I will return back to SG a different person. When I went off to study, I came back different. Completely over my ex. People say if there’s one person who can set stuff aside, it would be me. It all depends on whether I want to or not. Question is will I return from this vacation a different person? I think I have sorted out a lot of things in my head. A chance to look at things without rose tinted glasses. A chance for my gut feel to resurface and say a couple stuff to me.

There are loads who are better off as friends than partners. There are also others who sit aside, but not forgotten.

At the moment I carry no expectations. Be it with new people, or those from the past. While many would say they also have no expectations, I reckon they don’t really know what it means to have no expectations. The only expectation you should have is, not to have any! U r fond of the person yes, u hang out and all, but it is incredibly hard to say u do not expect anything from the other person. Do people really understand what it means by just hanging out having fun but have no expectation of taking it one step further? I think it is hard to achieve that. Even I don’t think I may be able to do it. What’s more, what are the odds of 2 people who share the same view and ‘rules’? Very very remote.

I am however confident I will have my mind cleared, my soul re-energised and ready to get back to work by the time I am back.

Hey all!

I had a great reunion dinner last night. Pictures to come I promise. It was a nice tan session today at our new room on the upper floor. Quiet. Peaceful! I have a nice tan line now! All in a day’s job (I flashed my ass @ Rach and she said it is nice!) though I am still not a fan of tan lines still? hmmm. I like the same tone all throughout…

Tried to catch the eclipse but I don’t think we had a good cover here and I sorta fell asleep. But here’s some from Singapore, courtesy of Clayton. Did u guys catch it?

It appears there is gonna be an eclipse tomorrow (monday) just before 5pm SGT. Supposedly it will be quite visible from Asia.

I will be observing it from Phuket.

Gong xi fa cai everyone!

Hello everyone! Yes I have settled down and all since Wednesday.

Flight was quite turbulent and although it doesn’t measure, the pilot’s skill seems to be different especially during ascend and descend periods. hmm. I compare 3 budget flights to 3 full fare flights so that’s the conclusion. I do hear even SQ does not allow luggage allowance weight to be combined. So if you have 20kg, and you have 15kg only you cannot transfer that 5kg to your companion. I don’t know if this is true but if it is it tells you how airlines need to squeeze money out as much as they can without driving customers away.

I booked airport transfer to my hotel at 800b so that sounds reasonable as the cost of going by meter to Kata is probably just a tad lower. There are very few taxis that go by meter as many are within this cartel in the predominently tourist city. Any attempts by the government to ‘improve’ options have been resisted fiercely by the taxi and tuktuk community. Oh well.

Tuktuks here are now different from those in bangkok. No more 3 wheeled tuktuks. In its place are mini vans coverted to carry more passengers. The rate from Kata to Patong is 400b! The taxi rates are also the same. Needless to say with the distance I rather do a taxi.

The room where we are at is nice though I tend to dislike cold comment flooring but I suppose it is just being practical. I will probably blog more on tripadvisor and will post them here as well.

We have done Kata, and also been to Phuket new town. We did a full day Phi Phi tour yesterday with Simba tours. It costs more than the usual rate off the street but with 10 people on board, with great hosts, I think it is worth the price. I recommend Simba tours indeed and it is owned by a european couple. The lady, Jenny was with us along with Bam Bam the assistant. I have to say while the areas are the same as any other tour, we had great company. Bam Bam as my mei mei would say is easily the highlight of the trip. He is easy going, spontaneous, humourous and energetic. I have zero complaints! Food wise, wow, simple and healthy but DELICIOUS. A good pasta, chicken, and potato salad. Mei mei and I were commenting we could do it all week at work for lunch even. Say we prepare it on Sunday night for the week and we have a healthy lunch all in. I am actually VERY into this idea… when I have my own place. It is the kind of lunch I will barely be sick of, especially since I have been eating almost the same thing all these while at work. I like a simple yet delicious and healthy lunch as usually I am too into work to even think bout lunch and all. I just wanna eat and get back to work. I am more into food after working hours generally.

I cannot get pictures out yet cause the pictures are in the SD card which my laptop doesn’t have a reader for. But they will come in time. 5 nights here in the jacuzzi room before we head to the grand pool access room for the last 3 nights.

We are taking it easy now especially since I am a tad sun burnt. A massage later in the day before we head to the night market in phuket town. Couple more things we intend to do. ATV and rafting as well as para gliding. So fun! Sun’s great!

One thing though. The folks here do not appear to accept bargaining as much. In bangkok, they will counter offer to and fro with you. Here, when you quote your price, they turn away and are not keen on any deal at all. This is weird especially since this place has been hit with lower tourism numbers. I attribute this attitude to the dominent european visitors here. In fact over the last few days we were pretty much the only asians  around! It is only today did we observe more asians during breakfast. Chinese new year I guess..

Shopping is overall disappointing but we did go to this temple where they had a bazzar. We booked a taxi to take us to phuket town but ended up having him for the rest of the trip cause we found him very nice and reliable. A family man kinda guy. We intend to have him for today as well and then take us to the airport on our way home.

I am gonna blog at other blogs for now and take a little rest. Think we are quite drained from yesterday’s sun still. Will blog more soon!

I am off for my vacation soon but stick around for peekchers!

I will try and blog when I can.

Rach observed one thing today. It was quite hilarious and I never really thought bout it till she said so..

But perhaps she is right. The ex also said something in similar fashion when I mentioned something unrelated.

What is it? hmmm….

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go.. *sings*

It is a weird feeling. Very very weird. And I am gonna bring something with me. Something which I know Rach will disapprove of. But I am gonna do it anyway. I know she will understand cause she had this hippo around her.. for quite a while.  What is it? I will tell you all soon..

Each morning, I still do what I do for the past 2 years. But it is not the real thing anymore. And it hurts. I don’t know if anyone realises, how tough it is to remain at a place that one used to share with someone.

In a sick way, I am hoping I’ll go tomorrow.. and never come back. The irony is, whatever I hope for usually doesn’t appear. Maybe I should hope for the opposite?

I will still do my routine. I know I may never be able to break free. I drug myself to sleep. Literally. And I wake up each morning, half groggy still, and realise the only thing remaining in that same spot, is something which I kiss before I get out of bed. That’s… my morning ritual.

If this is gonna be my last post, I’ll just like to thank everyone who has been around me. Who tolerated me. Who played with me. Laughed with me. Cried with me (hang on, that hasn’t happened I think). Be there for me. I have a couple text messages to send to some family members before I jet off. Other than that, I have done all I should. Said all I wanted to say (almost). I don’t really have major unfinished business.

Do you guys know that kind of feeling? Peace.

I have loved you. Yesterday I did. Today I do. Tomorrow, I think, I still will.

I promised I’ll never leave you.  Over the years, I promised that six times.  I intend to keep the promise.. not because I have to but because I can’t help it. But I will do so from afar. Perhaps at places you’ll never see, or times you’ll never know.

Over the years, I have lost count over how many times you asked if I still loved you. My answer, is still the same..

STI gap covered today! Woo hoo!

There are some bullish counters. F&N. DBS. Wilmar. Even Indoagri looks like a giant bull flag in the making. Seems like palm oil may be making a come back soon. Those are the good news. Is it time to go long? Well here is the bad news. The upside is capped pretty near to moving average resistances. But we’ll see how this pans out. I will go long only when these moving averages have turned into support, and indicators show a bullish trend.

Did I enter more STI puts today? No. But I entered some HSI puts. Not the best price at all but what the heck. Formations do not look promising at all.

Also I have gone short on Cosco. Price closed lower. Lowering volume. Looks more and more like a bear flag. Suffice to say I should not go short till it has broken but I am going for a holiday so I put in some positions and will let it right. Cut loss is technically at 97c but as the 20MA curls down, it will offer resistance too. 50MA remains its current resistance, along with with the immediate one at 0.85 fibonacci resistance. I tried to queue there but gave up and sold down at 84c instead.  Expect some mini support in the 70c region.  The probability for downside is around 75% which is good enough for me.

I also went short on UOB. High volume after it gap covered its support.  I will wanna look for confirmation and that comes if it can crack 11.75 successfully. If that comes with heavy volume I wouldn’t stay long at all. One concern is that money flow has gone into oversold position.  I  cannot be sure if the bearish divergence has come into fruition and is done, so confirmation is key. Cut loss will be at 12.7. To test 50MA resistance at 12.6 first.

I have my eyes set on KepCorp as I go through some charts. It is at support right now but if it cracks it, it can easily gap cover the support and re-test those lows. I sorta forgot bout this counter and did not go short when 61.8% was broken and confirmed. Now I shall have to wait for the next opportunity.