Life For Rent

I had so much to write and say, but words couldn’t come out. Neither could I muster any inspiration. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I suppose.

I am in an emo mood tonight. Emo. Emotional Mark Overdrive. Hey I just came up with it as I type.. *L*

I am leaving for my holiday from Wed. Will I come back the same mark, or a different mark. Hmmm..

Quite a few ironies of late. 3 guys, whom I said carry the same trait. One’s born in 86, one 87, one 88. Their birthdates range from 11-18, with 2 of them having back to back birthdates. They are the march pisceans. The Feb ones, unfortunately are a total different lot.

A nice cool night saw conversations flying around with Keong seemingly trying to catch up and add in here and there when he can. I don’t know how to say this… but I feel his pain. For once though, I could find no solutions. There isn’t one. There has never been one that suits everyone.

I did however say some stuff, and when I flipped over the Trevvy, I found an article written by Ming (another irony, and no it is not me).

Here is an extract from his article -

In director Richard Linklater’s film Before Sunrise, one of the leads – either Ethan Hawke or Julie Delpy, it escapes me now – quotes this unknown writer as the two of them banter on how long their respective relationships hold out.

The writer suggests that “the ideal relationship was two intense years, with clean breaks, fresh starts, friends for life, something like that. It’s like if you knew your relationship had to end in two years, there would be no room for fighting or wasted time. There could be more love and appreciation for one another. … If everyone you met you knew was going to die at midnight, you would be a much more compassionate person.;

Now that’s a thought. Even if the proposition is not viable, because a situation like that exists only in an apocalypse or utopia, a situation where relationships had a definite expiry date like, say, cans of pineapple. Which is an idea Chinese director Wong Kar Wai flirts with in his film Chungking Express.

So what are all these film-makers suggesting?

Perhaps it is that relationships work best if we don’t drag them on unnecessarily; if we step into them with the primary objective of getting the most out of it, emotionally, spiritually, in whichever ways, even if that means letting the relationship be short-lived. Too often we’re more preoccupied with how far and long the relationship will go instead of making every second of it worthwhile and letting things run their natural course.

And even if we have to bid our lovers goodbye when it stops working, can there ever be a real good-bye, anyway, for us to truly mourn? As Humphrey Bogart says to his lover Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca, “We’ll always have Paris”. If you have an experience that is true and meaningful with someone else, however ephemeral it is, he – or she – will forever be with you in a way. We remain a part of each other in ways we will never know. 
 

In gist, he mentioned some of the stuff I mentioned in another way. In a clearer way perhaps. His view however appears to be more suited for the open relationship kinda person. A couple who has no holds barred, enjoying each other’s company for the present. Whatever happens in the future, happens. However I am not too sure if I am the sort who would gel with this concept.  Keong got the idea when I mentioned France in the world cup a few years back. I am no soccer (football) fan but even I know about this case. We should really put more effort into the present. An open relationship is somewhat a dangerous game and even when rules are set, there is no guarantee one party will eventually evolve into ‘breaking the rules’. That is not to say, it does not happen in other forms or relationships. In fact, no form of relationships is exempted from this.

I suppose the writer does not imply going into a relationship with a 2 year time bomb. What he may imply, or rather what I feel myself, is that at least even if it lasts 2 years, 5 years, 1 year, one would have made the most out of it.

I have morphed somewhat. Rach knows what I meant when I said I had a bad gut feel bout ‘this other guy’. I sought confirmation, via a question I asked yesterday. No I did not ask for marriage and all duh. I asked a very hypothetical question of sorts, something I have blogged about. I wanted to see if opinions crossed path. Or did he fall under the ‘mainsteam’ group where, barely 5 years ago I would have said the exact same thing he said. The question, was on what he thinks an open relationship is. What is it about, the definition, and his opinions.

First answer was, there was no official definition. Well, you don’t really find it in a dictionary per se, but there is a definition on it. And an open relationship does not mean 2 people being committed have sex with other people. Open isn’t opening legs per se. It is more than sex. Unfortunately, many people I see take open relationships to mean committment, with outside sex. Sex aside, the only committment is being there for one another and the companionship. There is no other committment, which is a fundamental rule in this sort of relationship.

Second answer was, he will never wanna be in one. I suspect that answer is influenced by the first. The perception of it. There is no right or wrong in this area. I just wanted to hear his thoughts. It isn’t bout what the person REALLY thinks, but his thinking process. In case people are not aware, if I have to do scoring, I do not emphasise a lot on the answer itself. This is because over time, people’s thoughts and perceptions will change. Also, one can say ‘no’ now but when faced with it upfront ,we could do a lot of things we said we will not. So the answer itself is not meaningful, but I am after the thinking process and I seek a lot of ‘answers’ purely out of it. You could say, the question itself is a distraction. It could have been any question.

The conclusion was he fell under the mainstream group. I was somewhat disappointed, but it was confirmation for me.

Rach knows it best when I mention bitter sweet.  Bitter and sweet, at the same time. It pierces that causes pain yet brings relief all at once.

I think I can phrase everything in my head with one sentence. 

I am happy to leave, but sad to go.

Christmas is over. December is over. As is 2008.

The Christmas tree has been put away. Retired. Gone. So has a lot of other things..

What will 2009 bring…?

Lyrics | Corinne Bailey Rae lyrics – Trouble Sleeping lyrics

It is queer that I bring this video up again. Folks around me know that somehow I like this track a lot. It reflects that dreamy me. Always in search of something, yet you don’t really know what it is. Could it be this? Could it be that? Maybe I will never find it. But at least, I still have myself. Well I’d like to think so anyway.

I have been having a week of very weird nights. Unexplainable. An instant remedy I have but shall not use. What I need perhaps is something to sooth me to lala land. And it came in the form of an ‘atas feng you (medicated oil).  It’s called Sensory Therapy – Peace of mind. I love it! Thanks Jayme for the atas feng you! I also had this medicine box from Rach. So strange now that I think of it. I got nothing I asked for, but instead I got everything I needed. Or so I think. Well, at least that’s what I’d like to think anyways

Perhaps.. perhaps.. I’d share it with someone I know.. who’s having trouble sleeping too.

Visited this place last night after work. Easily accessible from the main road so those without cars will never have a problem with the place. Quite far off from the ‘main’ area I reckon. I have yet to see the whole map of Dempsey hill..

The selling point’s the beer of course. Try the monster green, and the lime wheat beer. Very interesting! Light, refreshing and all. I think it’ll convert non beer drinkers.

View the menu  here.

Happy hour has beers going for 7-8 bucks a glass, else it’s $11. It’s good! And I love the feel of the alfresco area. Sausages going for $24 were huge and very nice! A tad on the oily side but I suppose for its price you are paying for quality. I had the burgers instead which was alright but nothing fantastic. The food on the other tables look pretty interesting but if you ask me, go there for after dinner drinks and enjoy a good chat in the cool and cosy alfresco dining area!

Service was alright. Not very forthcoming but they are always ready to clear your table and top up glasses. Obliging enough. We rather not be disturbed much during our stay so that was all good for us.

Rating – 4/5 for the place and beer itself. 3/5for everything else. Will i return there? Sure I will.

URL – http://www.reddotbrewhouse.com.sg

I was out with the gal friend on Friday evening (and bumped into Julian with a cutie next to him hee hee) and decided I’d do Canele @ Raffles City. 2 reasons. I wanted to buy the Macaroons for the gal friend and another friend of mine Jayme said the beef stew was not bad. So we went.

I have to declare first, that I did not read the reviews of this place online, till some 3 minutes ago.

Canele @ Raffles City

Initial impression of the place? Not bad at all.. didn’t have to wait (on hindsight this might have been the first warning). The food menu was alright, but the drinks menu was terrible. The server seems to need a lot more training on how to handle customers really. Plus I had to strain my ears just to hear him. The galfriend’s seafood Doria tasted blend, though my beef stew wasn’t too bad. I had it with house bread. One point to note, if you are hungry, don’t come here! Nuff said.

We had such a good time chatting that I almost forgot to buy the macaroons! I went out and the server was just wrapping them up.. phew! Just in the nick of time.

The saving grace was the mocha (found under chocolate drinks menu). I found it too sweet but realised I was the one who added half the pack of sugar haha! It had a good shot of espresso and is chocolatey enough for fans of mocha.

Based on price, ambiance, comfort, food, service, will I be back? Not for a main meal. For a coffee tea break, maybe. Most reviews rated this place quite badly, and some seemingly very upset over some of the same issues I observed. I had good company so I guess I wasn’t too anal about it. Final score, 2/5.

–

Wine Company @ Evan’s Road

We were not done, and she wanted wine so I thought long and hard, and decided on Wine Company, next to the NUS bukit timah campus. I live some 10 mins walk away from it but never got to try it. And so we ventured in.

Not full! Yay. She got her wine, while I got my beer. I saw the cheese platter on the menu and it looked good! And so I ordered that too. I must be getting old.. cause my mom used to say “you will liike stuff like that when you are older”. Cheese, like caviar and all, is an accquired taste. The blue cheese is mighty pungent! She couldn’t take it but I took it anyway. I eat everything. I even ate the celery sticks! How many of you remember how much I hate celery..

Blue cheese that came with the platter was strong indeed. It tasted n smelt of something not so pleasant (guy thing) and I totally HATE that ‘guy thing’ so I was quite surprised I went ahead with it anyway. Came with crackers and a small bunch of grapes (seedless!).

They do close around 12ish and I reckon most will need a cab or car to get there. It is not very far from the NUS (bukit timah campus) actually. 10 – 15 mins walk tops.

Prices are reasonable for my cheese and beer but the wines may cost a bit. But overall I am extremely happy with the place. Next round I will do the outdoor seating. I have been to the one at Dempsey.. I like that place, but I doubt I will return anytime soon due to personal reasons.

Price, service, ambience wise for after meal drinks, I will definitely return. Final score – 4/5.

PS : Some will wonder why don’t I have pictures and all. For one, this is not really a food blog. For two, I don’t really take many pictures. For three, if it was good I rather you get a surprise when you visit. For four, if it was so bad, you’ll be turned off by the pictures anyway. For five, what you should do is, take the recommendations here, go to hungrygowhere or something where they have solid reviews and then make your own decision

One of the things that people often confuse themselves with ‘committed but play together’.

In a nutshell, it isn’t about just sex with other people. Open relationships mean while you two are together, there is no commitment. Both parties can date someone else. But they are fond of each other and enjoy each other’s company.

In my social circle, I probably know just 1 who’s as close to it as it could be. Ceddy and Vin.

Is it doomed to fail? I mean, how do you adore someone, be together yet have the thought that options are open still. Like a ticking time bomb (I find I use this term very frequently these days). Some will ask, if that is so, is it even a relationship to begin with? I reckon it is close to a companionship with someone who’s also fond of you.  There are different forms of relationships. Friendships, companionships, romantic relationships..etc. Ceddy probably hit the nail when he spoke of labeling and how irrelevant it applies to us. I think I agree. Does a status matter? I think, not.

The one thing that people in open relationships have between one another is honesty. Something that is very rare (if not never present) in a committed relationship.  You don’t get pissed with one another and are fully honest with one another unlike in a regular relationship. You see, this is a relationship where there is very little expectations. I like you, and you like me, and we hang out. Simple isn’t it?

You don’t get pissed with the other for being out cold in a club. You don’t get angry if he doesn’t call the day before. You don’t get uspet with him in a a slutty outfit. It is very possible, as time goes on, they get sick of other people, find that the other is good enough, and settle down. In ceddy’s context, entering a relationship with someone with near zero expectations. If sometime along the line they decide to be together and be committed, then so be it. Ceddy has grown… while I appear to be in fairlyand. haha. But I think I am catching up, to finding out what suits me best. Cuz u see, what suits one person, may not suit another. That is fine.  The idea is to find something that suits you, so everyone can be happy. You, can be happy.

This is different from couples who are committed but play together. They recognise sex is just sex. Take sex out of the equation, there is a lot of love yet. The same guy in bed is terribly boring. So they do not date anyone else. It is just sex. They are committed to one another at heart.

In a nutshell, an open relationship is a relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can’t exactly promise that they won’t see other people too. Basically, to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people.

ie, I don’t own you and you don’t own me.

There is one thing I hate bout getting old. It is not that big 30 or that 40. Why do I dread getting older. It is because as one gets older, your ‘innocent and pure’ rosey tinted view through life changes. You will come to realise a lot of things when you go out to work, when you meet people, and as relationships come and go. You’ll realise, what seems to be the best for you, and the scary part is, it is anything but similar to what you *thought* was for you. You lose that child like innocence. On hindsight it is that innocence that will bring loads of grief to many people. So, what is *the* way? There is no one *way* per se. Just like in trading, there is no one perfect indicator. The indicators are all there, hundreds of it. You pick a few you like, and you master the use of them and tweak them to fit your style best. In a market with a trend, I will use MACD more. In a flat and sideway market, I use the stochastic indicator more.

Isn’t it the same as relationships? Things change, continuously.

The one thing that has never changed for me is, I like a relationship to be simple. I dislike complications and expectations. I try to meet them cause I love the person. But as many around me would have realised, one day you just get sick and tired of it. This is not the way a relationship should go. Once again, as I implied many times before, many are meant to love, but not meant to be together. The reason for it is, very simply, there is no one perfect person out there for you. And.. the reason for that is, YOU. Yes. There is no perfect being for you, and this is so, because of you and what you expect out of a relationship.

So, to find ‘the light’, I have to begin with myself. It has nothing to do with hunting the world for the perfect person. He will never be found because he doesn’t exist. What exists is, you, and me, along with the ability to find happiness on our own in this world where love is not exclusive to just pure romance. Love exists in many forms, family, friends, children, pets. Over the years I have seen many feel lonely and empty. As their quest to find the right person goes on, they feel emptier. One day they’ll realise, it is not being with someone or the ‘right’ person that will make them happy. It is the simple things in life that makes us happy. From the kampong days to the high tech world we are in, we have gained many things, but have lost a lot in the process too. We forget the simple things.

That’s how my 2008 went. Win some, lose some. How many of you still have the first generation Game Boy? This was before Sega came out with one with a color display and Game Boy countered with a coloured display. I still have it in my cupboard. With 3 games. Tetris, Ninja Turtles, and a WWF wrestling one with just 5 pathetic characters and all do the same actions. Mr Perfect, Million dollar Man, Randy Savage, Hulk Hogan, and Ultimate Warrior. I think I still remember how to play this particular game! I must have been around 9. And that my friends, is 20 years ago.

Britney says it right. In my context, I am not a boy, not yet a man.  I have a lot to grow, as all of us do. When we are old one day, and paint of life’s experiences as delivered to us, what will that painting look like?

Dear Husband,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.

I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your shows.

You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-wife

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!

–

Dear EX-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been.. I watch my shows so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy’! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, didn’t comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica …

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a penny from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that’s not a problem