She turned Christian a few months ago and while it doesn’t seem like a long time, I could tell she let the Lord in with an open heart. I remember her asking for prayers even though she probably didn’t understand a single word as she speaks Cantonese primarily. Yet she asks for one before the night is over, like a child asking for a milk bottle just before bed. She had problems walking for the past 10 years and it is my guess that cancer had found their way into her bones from their primary site. By the time it was discovered (and only because she had a fall and fractured her hip and hence it was diagnosed then) it was in terminal stage and it had already spread. While there was little the doctors could do, we focussed on making her last days as comfortable as possible without the need for further investigative procedures to chart the progress. All we wanted was for her to get past CNY. As a matter of fact, we did not tell her of her real condition even though she asked why she seems to be recovering so slowly as it was just a fall. It was in her dying moments that the truth was told to her in the hope that she will now be able to let go. Yes my mom rushed over and was with her when she passed on in her home.

I was present for much of the wake. Of the 2 gramdmothers that I have, she isn’t the one that I am closer to. Yet it doesn’t make a difference cause I did whatever I could not just for her but for the entire family. Over the period of time I was also reminded how all my uncles and aunts (including my mom) had a streak of stubborness. Stubborness that led to a few incidents here and there during the wake. My friends will never believe me when I say this but it is true, my own streak of stubborness (whether it is inherited or not) pales in comparison to a lot of them. The eldest is my uncle Jason who’s 66. Honestly, I do not believe anyone could tell. The youngest is uncle Maurice and all in all my grandmother must have had 8 or so children, of which one of them has since passed away some 9 years ago. Aunt Helen was a nurse all her life and lived simply and healthily. She had stomach cancer and was in remission but put off routine checkups due to SARs where T TSH closed their doors to non critical consultations at its specialist clinics. She went only because she got very sick for some reason and it was found that the cancer had returned, with a vengence. She died in hospital some 2 weeks after admission. Yet it is from her that I was put through university. It is something that I will always be very grateful for.

I’d like to share a song that I really like, sung by a singer that I adore, yet I don’t hear it often for each time I do it implies that there has been a passing on. Amazing Grace – written by John Newton and speaks of redemption and that despite all the sins one has committed in the past, there is forgiveness. Like lost sheep, wandering  around blind,it is by grace that will lead us home.

I like it, and I am certain my grandmother will too. She’s a fiesty lady, all 91 years of her. She’s free from pain now and I’m comforted by that. For her, I will mourn.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me….
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T’was Grace that taught…
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear…
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares…
we have already come.
T’was Grace that brought us safe thus far…
and Grace will lead us home.

When we’ve been here ten thousand years…
bright shining as the sun.
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise…
then when we’ve first begun.

I have been listening to the cd again quite a fair bit these nights. In particular, one track stands out as my favorite. Now, the hotel has this CD in every room and it is there for obvious raunchy reasons I reckon. Very good love making music if you ask me! That’s not what kept me occupied for 4 days though. I studied, very hard, really I did! Now I did find myself putting this track on repeat then and today I am back to it again.I love the beats, the rhythm (look, no vowels!) the vocals, the tune, the whole thing. It is a personal favorite, so much so when I checked out I asked if I could buy a copy of their in-house compilation and true enough I could. So I got it.

It takes me back to those days. A lot of memories indeed. It is just not the studying but the entire experience. It was also during that period that I got to meet someone

Sensual stuff. If you’d like to take a listen to it, just click on the play button on the right of the page, and take an intimate trip down memory lane with me.

Sweet.

Since the day the workers moved in and revamped the entire apartment to what it is today, there’s always been something lacking. I couldn’t figure what it is and I’ve always thought maybe when I have moved in, and sunk into the new apartment it will all complete. I have been mulling over what it is and after 3 weeks of pondering and being in this dream-come-true apartment, I have come to realise what the missing part is. I have also realised, that this missing part will never be filled. Not in this apartment anyways. It is nothing physical, or imaginary. It is something however that no one can change, or fill the gap. Not me, not anyone. I have also come to realise a little more about myself. That is, I’m someone who’s strongly for the notion that only those who have sowed the seeds, qualify to enjoy the fruits.  A team spirit is fostered and nurtured when seeds are sowed together. Regardless of success or failure, it was a team effort and the result isn’t as important as the spirit that moved as one. Obviously, I am more emotional and sensitive that many can imagine, yet it is something that virtually no one has been able to grasp. Not that I needed anyone to anyway.

The journeys I have walked this year have brought me to many places in life. As I sit by and watch the world go on I’ve always pondered the what-ifs. What if I take a photo of someone who’s conscious of his or her eyebags and dark circles and make a joke out of it? Maybe I’ll do it on someone who’s conscious over his or her teeth. Maybe it is just me and my self-consciousness. Perhaps I should capture people’s insecurities, and make fun of it at the same time and see, if it is just me and if it is really that funny and amusing after all?

I was looking through my digicam and really, it has been eons since I last used it. I was also tagged by colleagues in the past on my facebook and it reminded me how much has changed in just 5-6 short years. To be fair, the same number of years can make someone literally unrecognizable. The same 5 years also took people away from us permanently. A stark reminder that mankind is of no match to time. The only way out, is to be friends with time.

Here are a few pictures that I have taken today. While I aint no perfect host, I hope everyone enjoyed their stay.

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It is mighty exciting! Platforms have been built, and almost everything is already in place. Pictures (before and after) will be posted here, but will be protected and only those with the password can enter. Sorry, gotta screen through who sees it. I will be posting it up on facebook too, for a restricted list.

This posting talks about something I have been thinking about for the past 2 days.  As someone working in the information security realm, physical security is part of what we do too. That means, protecting my premises with a home security system. That said, before money is dumped in, a risk assessment (RA) needs to be done. After all, one MUST measure the risk (likelyhood) of an intruder, and potential loss.

So I did an RA of my own new crib, using a method known as Qualitative Analysis.

It identifies the risk, measures the likelyhood of it occurring, potential loss if the risk comes into fruition, and the cost of the countermeasure. The aim of the study is, should the countermeasure be put in place.

Here is a very simple example. Say you earn 30k a year. You decided to get insurance to protect your earnings (known as risk transfer). Would you spend 50k to protect 30k of earnings? Of course not! How bout 20k? Probably not. How bout 1k? Quite likely. If the cost of the countermeasure exceeds the potential loss, why even bother? It is a no brainer.

In my place, I have identified some risks of breakins:

- Main door (Very low risk)

- Living room window (Low risk)

- Kitchen (Low risk)

- Masterbed room (Medium risk, due to the structure of the exterior)

So the highest risk rating is medium.

Now it is time to measure the potential loss. I don’t keep very expensive stuff. Maybe some petty cash, couple TVs, laptops, that is about it. How likely is someone gonna cart TVs out of the window (if they broke in from the window, they can’t get out from the maindoor as it is padlocked and will take a lot of effort. It is not impossible though)? So if someone broke in, stole TVs and laptops, those are the only valuable items. The trick here is, how do you measure the net worth of the laptop? The cost of the hardware is negligible. Thousand bucks or so. It is the information that is stored on it that may cost a lot. Your identity. The thief has all the time to break into your passwords (if your laptop is not encrypted). The thief is likely to be able to access your email, MSN, face book etc. How many of you use the same passwords on multiple websites and applications. How many of you change your password REGULARLY? I highly doubt people do the latter. The potential loss based on that one laptop, can run real high.

Singapore is a relatively safe country, but low crime does not imply no crime. I do not work for the CIA or handle top secret info. There is no incentive for high tech robbers to come into my place. The odds are, if any at all, it will be petty thieves.

So let’s look at the countermeasures.

- Hom security (standalone) which includes motion sensors, magnetic contacts etc. This will cost around $800 but they literally last for a long time. That said, this is like keeping a dog, that doesn’t bark. If there is an intrusion how will I be notified? Sure the alarm will ring, the thief will run away and the whole neighbourhood will bear with the alarm till I get back?

- Home security hooked to a monitoring centre manned by humans. This will usually be a 3 year contract, and hardware is supplied free. Monitoring cost is estimated between 40-50 bucks a month, for at least 3 years. Do the math and you get a figure of just under 2k over 3 years.

So, what shall I do? Is it a go or no go? From a business point of view, probably not. However it is a home, where a peace of mind can be invaluable. The jury’s still out.

So if one does not install the countermeasure, what are the controls in place? Windows lock (sliding windows are terrible at proper security), locking up laptops when the premises is vacated. I do not have grills installed on my windows but when the windows are closed no one can tell if there are grills or not. So if a thief does not know if there is a grill (which makes entry a tad harder and longer
) he may decide to simply go for an easier target. By keeping the windows closed, this is called Security through Obscurity.

It is not possible to have windows always closed of course.

I have yet to make my decision. It is interesting to note, I have colleagues who have had a breakin. In a condo compound. On a high floor (mine is second story which elevates the risk). Do people only execute a countermeasure after the risk has been exploited? Funny isn’t it?

So there. If the potential loss is relatively low, the cost of countermeasure has to be adjusted alongside.

That’s Risk Assessment 101 for you. The very simple way of looking at things. Perhaps you can pick up a thing or two. What I do at work, is very much different.

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I haven’t been in a nice mood this whole entire weekend and I aint quite sure why. Very empty and all but my dear was with me and I feel blessed indeed.

A lookaround trip at IMM saw me visiting the bakmie stall at level 3. Noodles originating from indonesia was springy and flavorful. Try it!

There are loads of big things happening at work, with my pushing forward some of the plans that we have stalled for a bit. I seem to have a possible career opportunity but let’s see how it goes. Will head to dinner to talk about what I do at work and see if indeed I get the chance to spearhead things at this new place.

Meantime I’m listening to the tracks which I got to know from my stay at Scarlet Hotel. My favorite remains to be ‘Stars’ by Dubstar. It isn’t bosa nova kind but very mood inducing I must say. Something that’s vert apt for me right now. I have put music into the memories I have back at Scarlet and I look forward to heading back there again somehow perhaps. It was primarily a study retreat but it was there that I was given the chance to know someone who’s really great and I yearn to walk this journey with this person as my life long partner.

I probably will never need to hold another study retreat elsewhere after I have my own little pad.

Once that is out of the way, it is time for me to aim for my next challenge. I need things to move in a slightly different direction and with the right opportunity, I will be prepared to leave my comfort zone a little.Regardless, I’d like a future with my dear and that somehow we will always walk together. Through thick and thin. Through heat and chill. Through joy and sadness.